Is it fair to charge my brother rent?

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1

Hey Mama's,
I am puzzling over what is the fair thing do to. Mind sharing your opinion and helping me to settle a debate with my hubby?
Here is the situation....

My brother, who is 33 lives with my husband and me, and our two boys. Brother is somewhat developmentally disabled, ultimately he could live on his own but really does better with supervision.
He does not work and collects social security disability. He has lived with us 2 years, and he is not paying any rent. He does help us by watching my 4 year old on mondays and fridays, empties the trash and does the dishes. During the school year, he also helps my older son get started on his homework.

My husband wants to charge him a small amount of rent, say $200 a month. Im not sure that is reasonable, but he has lived with us quite a while rent free and it would be helpful to our budget.
I am seeking your advice- what should I do, what is fair?

Edited to add:
Thanks for the thoughtful responses for far. I know I didnt provide all of the details, but thought I would add that my brother did live on his own in an apartment. He receives about $1180 a month from ssi. He did ok in the apartment, but wanted to save money so we said he could live with us and watch my son 5 days a week.
What has changed? He is now only watching my son 2 days a week.
My hubby feels that my brother should pay some rent based on that change.
What do you think??
Thank you!!

2

Seems completely fair. I think it would help him to become more independent and responsible for his own life.

3

Here’s my thoughts. I have over 13 years in the field.

He’s disabled and only gets a smallish check each month. I think you need to check the legality of what you’re thinking about doing. If you are his payee it could be seen as you keeping his money away from him. It could also be seen as too much if you kept that much.

I understand you could really use the money to help out. I also know how hard it is to manage things with a situation like this.

He is already helping and babysitting. Do you pay him to babysit and do chores? I imagine not. In a group home he would not have chores to do that were required. He would have some chores but if he choose to not do them he would not get into trouble. Housing is not dependent on whether he does this or not. It’s a thing they do to be helpful and help their neighbors have a healthier living area.

In a group home he would have goals such as learning about money, managing his money. Of course completely doing that is a long long long long way down the road and probably not something one would be able to do wonderfully. He’d have friends and staff around all the time. They’d go to the movies, out to eat at least once per week, go to the grocery store, learn about shopping and finding their way around inside if they got lost from the group.

They’d have goals to learn how to do their own laundry, wash their own bodies, brush their teeth, shave, get dressed each day in clean clothes, they’d have a lot of things they’d be working on each and every day.

So if you’re not providing these things for him are you just letting him sit around all day and not improving his skills? What does he do all day?

In a sheltered workshop he’d participate in filling contracts, he’d eat his lunch with his friends and do activities after hours, he’d go to dances and parties, they would help him learn skills to move up at his job to something better.

He’d be doing all this and living on his own and paying rent. They’d be providing staff, housing, food, medical assistance for his meds, they would be doing a lot for him all the time.

I have a niece that moved from her mom’s home into a shared living situation. She held a full time job, was able to get a taxi to and from work when she needed a ride, go to the store and get her own groceries (it was across the street), and she was able to live without staff.

Her mom came by one day and caught the daughter and the boyfriend having sex. Come to find out the daughter and the boyfriend had been having a sexual relationship for years.

This woman was in her late 20’s or early 30’s. She had an IQ in the high high high 60’s. 70 is the line between low IQ and low normal IQ. So if she had one or two more points on her IQ she wouldn’t qualify for any SSDI or other disability income.

There is a man that lives in one of the group homes I was manager of. He works full time in a grocery store, he walks to work, gets himself home, stocks the shelves, run an occasional register, and is a right hand to the owners. His IQ is very similar to my nieces.

His mother is very aged. She takes his entire check from DDSI and his pay check and cashes them. She gives him a $10 allowance each week. She keeps the rest. She does pay his $300 month rent at the home. She keeps the rest of his money and no one can get her to say what she does with it.

She’ll only say “He doesn’t need it, he’s retarded you know”. That’s a situation that isn’t good, this man supports himself and is quite able to manage money and do anything he needs to do.

He won’t have any freedom until his mother passes away. He won’t have a penny of money she has I bet but once she’s gone he’ll be able to have his money in his own checking account and won’t have anyone to tell him what he can and cannot do. If he wants to have a payee or a team to help him decide what to do he can ask for help. Many do because they don’t want their family to take all their stuff.

So what I’m saying is to please consider a group home, shared living, supported living, well supported living might only be in Oklahoma, and try to make it where he can learn skills today that will help him in the future. One day you won’t be there anymore and he’ll be in a group home or shared living home then and won’t have you to do stuff for him.

Let him attend a sheltered workshop so he can have friends and be out of the house all day working.

Help him to gain independence and live life to the fullest.

Should you charge him rent? Sure. Should it be $200 per month? If his check is only $250 per month then no, that’s too much and you should be held accountable for what happened to him income.

If he makes $2000 per month then $200 is a good percent of that income to pay for rent for a developmentally disabled person where no professional training is occurring.

Should he be helping out during the week? It sounds like he’s doing that already.

4

It is more than reasonable.

5

It is more than reasonable and it is legal. If he were living in a group home or renting his own apartment he would have to pay rent. The check he receives is for helping with his living expenses and he;s more than likely eligible for other benefits as well. His medical should be covered by Medicaid and /or Medicare and he;s probably eligible for food stamps,altho his food would have to be kept separeate from your family’s. He is very blessed to have a sister/family that has let him live there so far, rent free. Where else could he live for the amount you want to charge him?
Do you fill out the paperwork to keep his benefits going? Rent would be part of the living expenses accounted for when justifying where his check goes. In a group home he would never see his check, although he may get an allowance, sort of speak, to do things mentioned in a previous post. He may also be eligible to work even if it is part time ,without endangering any loss of benefits. Check with Social Security for the specifics. I’ve also worked with the disabled and he is much better off with you than in a group home. They aren’t always what they appear to be, not saying they are ALL bad, but, they are some places that are not as honest or caring as family often is. On the other hand, there are families that aren’t always honest or caring either and they use their loved ones check for their own purposes. EXPLOITING THE DISABLED IS ILLEGAL, but this doesn’t appear to be the case.
Best of luck and God Bless, Cathy S.

6

Sure, charge him a reasonable amount of rent based on his income and then pay him $10 an hour for babysitting.

7

LuAnn:

While it seems fair - he does seem to be pulling his weight. He is helping around the house, etc. He’s been there 2 years - why now start paying rent? Why wasn’t it set up from the beginning?

I’m sure his SS disability check is not enough for him to live on his own. Can you check with the SS office to see if that legal that he pay you rent? Are you considered his legal guardian or is he claimed as a dependent of yours?

If he wasn’t living with you - who would he be living with? Have you talked with your brother about this?

I would need to know WHY after two years, you would want to start charging him rent and why what he is doing to help out isn’t enough.

I do understand it’s another adult mouth to feed - so the help with the rising grocery prices would be a good thing…water, electricity, etc. I am torn…he’s a legal adult - but really not self-sufficient enough to live on his own.

Sorry. I’m on the fence. I agree with rent but have questions…

8

You should think that the baby sitting he does is helping your budget.
He’s providing a service for which you would otherwise have to pay for from anywhere else.
He’s not exclusively living in your house and playing video games all day every day.
If you charge him rent, then pay him for the baby sitting.
How does he spend his disability check?
Does he buy food, clothes, what ever else he needs?
How would taking rent out from that affect what he has to buy for himself?
If you’re starting to view his disability check as a source of income, then it’s probably time he find another living situation.
Was the plan that he was going to live with you forever or was it temporary?
There are some semi supervised half way houses where he would do very well.

9

My view is that you can EITHER charge him rent OR require that he help around the house etc… he’s either a tenant (who can do what he wants) OR a family member.

“Rent” is a set monthly amount for access to his private space… it seems strange to charge him that NOW when he’s been living with you as a family member up to now. That, however, does not mean he can’t be making a financial contribution.

Why not have him contribute some of his income by having him take over a couple of bills (cable/internet maybe?), or handle the grocery shopping once a month or something?

Hope this helps,
Thea

10

If you don’t really want to charge him rent charge him his expenses. A fair bit of math involved but him living there increases your costs. Obviously you would be paying for your home regardless but every utility sans the phone and cable went up because he is there. Figure that out, charge that. Then the rent itself can be paid for by how he helps you out.

11

At first my thought was YES, however, I kind of think no.

What has changed that he needs to start paying rent? He should have been paying when he moved in two years ago. In turn, you should not expect him to do any housework at all, any babysitting, anything he doesn’t want to do. If he is paying rent, he is your tenant and should not be looked at as “a part of the family that helps” - if that makes sense.

While I agree he should be paying rent or a bill or something, I don’t understand why you need to start now. Do you also realize that 2 days of babysitting per week would probably cost you guys at least $400 a month? He is helping your older one with homework - that’s a huge task for someone to take on. It really sounds like he is pulling his fair share.

Now if either of my brothers/sisters wanted to live with me, I would let them do it rent free for no more than 6 months to get on their feet and get their own place. If it was for any more than that or they were not working on getting themselves straight, I would absolutely charge rent…I’d “rent” them my basement and charge about 1/3 of my mortgage. They all know this - and this is why they haven’t asked to live with me. My parents let my siblings live rent free when they need it - even though I think it’s wrong. We are all grown, the baby is going to be 25 in November and my older sister will be 33 in March.

So I rambled, sorry…but no, I do not think you should charge him rent.

12

Some of this depends on the nature & extent of his disability, and some depends on what your husband’s reasons are for doing this after 2 years of not raising the issue.

If your brother’s expenses are continuing to drain on your finances because you are supporting him, that may be what his monthly check is supposed to go to. But I think you will have to keep receipts to show you are not draining his account to pay for your luxuries or vacation - there is so much abuse of disabled and elderly people, you don’t want to do anything to raise suspicions.

Your brother is apparently high functioning enough to handle child care, which is saving you money. The dishes and trash are normal household chores. The helping get started on homework sounds like a favor and not a service you would be paying for. What is he doing to enrich and challenge and occupy his mind? He should be doing something with his time.

He might benefit from learning to do his own grocery shopping, which would involve spending some of his own money. That could include laundry detergent which he could use to wash his own clothes, a useful skill. I think just handing over a check to you every month might not do anything but create resentment in him and feel unreasonable. Same goes for assigning him a particular bill as was suggested below. He might need to see the actual benefit of spending his money, rather than just having it go for a bill that supports the whole family. Perhaps if you go out for events and activities as a family, he could pay for his own meal or movie ticket. What does his money go for now? What is it supposed to cover? Is he just banking it? Does he already buy his own clothing? Having him just do chores might be helpful, but doesn’t help offset the actual expenses of housing him. Helping him do more for himself and feel more confident might solve problems for all.

I think you might get some good guidelines from your state’s department of mental health, find out your rights as well as the best way to achieve them, and also find out what other services are available to him to engage and challenge him.

13

My thoughts:
What has changed? How will this affect your brother?
This sounds like a permanent situation with family. Can he work? If not, how will the $200 a month affect him? Honestly, that seems like a large sum to me given what you’ve described.

14

I think you have every right to charge him if you wanted to.

However, if it was me, no I wouldn’t charge him.

15

When I stayed with my grandmother, I paid her $100/month (this was 20 years ago). Becaused I used her water and ate her food, basically. If your brother is old enough to “get” it and wants to contribute to the bills, and if it doesn’t have a negative impact on him, then I would think it’s fine. But this should be for an “offset the cost of his living there - water/food/electricity” and not a "get some money thing. Consider how much you would have to pay if he were not babysitting, etc., and go from there. A sitter generally costs at least $10/hour - so maybe based on how much he babysits, $100 might be good.

Figure things out, then have a family meeting - don’t just surprise him.

16

I would ask what utilities does he use? Does he have his own computer to use? A phone? Does he drive?

If any of these are a “Yes” then he might be asked to pay for these or at least perhaps a portion of the shared utility bills each month. I wouldn’t tell your brother that it was “rent”, just a set amount to help cover bills. Which is what the money will be used for.

How much is his “income”? Base what you ask him to help out with in that.

17

I think the answer really depends on a lot of unknowns (unknown to us that is). What amount does he receive form ssd? What would his expense be if he lived on his own? Is he able to work some and still receive ssd? If so, does he? What has changed since he moved in that you now want to charge rent? What would your expense be if he didn’t watch your 4 year old twice a week? The trash and dishes seems like a normal “contributing to the household” type of chore. Getting your older son started on homework is a “helping out family” type of help.

I think $200 a month may be a bit much considering he regular helps with childcare…depending on the amount of his income.

Without knowing these things, my thoughts are:

  1. You are helping him out by letting him live with you and he is helping you by helping with babysitting. No rent is needed.
  2. He is a contributing family member so he does a few household chores.
  3. He’s being a good uncle and helping get homework started.
  4. He should use some of him income to provide for his necessities: some of his own groceries (as it makes sense that meals are joint, he can provide a few things for the family meals as well), laundry detergents, and personal care products…all of which he can use to take care of himself and his laundry (or assist with household laundry if loads are done together).
  5. By #4, it will lessen the load on your budget while allowing him to also have some independence.
18

A few questions:

  1. How much is he getting from SSI?
  2. How much is he putting into savings? Though his medical is likely covered by Medicare, and he gets SSI each month, having money in savings for extraneous purchases and needs is always a good idea…and he should have a savings in some form…even if it’s in a jar.
  3. How much does he need to budget for his own bills and necessities?
  4. Will the amount that remains after he puts money into savings and pays for his bills and necessities allow for $200 in rent?

I think it is perfectly fair to ask him to help to offset the cost of his living in your home. Just be certain that you are being reasonable.

19

I think so. In order for things to be somewhat balanced for your family, I think he needs to contribute.

What has changed in two years is your brother has been there two yrs with no rent. That builds some resentment. Your H is nice enough to provide a place within your home for your brother, your brother does have a little income and that’s what you do with your income, live.

It makes sense to me.

20

With the information you’ve provided, no.