I really hope someone here can help me. My son is being picked on by a boy 2 years younger than him. We just moved here a couple months ago and this boy was the first person to play with my son. The first time he came over to our house he "borrowed" video games without telling us. Then he told my son that he was only friends with him to play on his wii. He always picked on him a little and my son got fed up and one day told him they were not friends anymore. The teasing goes on and off, weeks went by but yesterday my son came home and told me that this boy was hitting him with a stick and laughing at him when he got upset and told him to stop. I nicely asked his mother to speak to him about this. An hour later he was back outside swearing at my son and calling him names. Then, later when he was riding his bike, this kid got the hose out and soaked him for no reason. Today my son's been riding his scooter up and down the street and this kid comes up on his bike, follows him and repeatedly spits on him. What I want to do is tell my son that if he gives him a good shove he'll fall off his bike. But I know that's not the mature way to deal with this! My son will ignore him and yell back a little but he always comes home in tears. He is a very nice boy who doesn't know how to be mean. There are a bunch of children on the block and they all play together. No one likes this kid, but the only one he's really mean to his my son. I told him that next time this kid comes to play with the group and is mean, he should ask all the kids to come to our house for juice and snacks, but that the bad one isn't allowed over. I really don't know what else to do and I am so mad. I worked so hard to teach my kid how to be polite and respectful and this is the first ever person he's come accross who has no respect for anyone or anything. Ignoring him is making the problem worse and I do not want to tell my son to hit him. I'm sorry I went on so long, but help! Please!
I would have your husband speak to the boy's father. Also ask other parents if that happened to their kids. He must have been picking on someone else before you moved in. Maybe you need to spend a little more time outside and speak up for your son if you witness any injustice. He should also try to make other new friends. Safety in numbers. Good luck.
OMG that is soooo horrible! I'd wanna push the bully over on his bike myself!
I'm with the other mom who says to call the other kids' moms and talk to them about the bullying. Not so much because maybe this meanie did it to their kids too, but so that they can also be on the lookout. If all the kids on the block play together, the odds are there's always a parent keeping an eye on them at one time or another, and they should be aware of this to nip it in the bud whenever it happens.
I also think that ignoring a problem rarely if ever helps anything. I've been told to ignore and avoid people my whole life and it has never, ever helped anything.
We had an issue similar to this. My husband caught this kid behaving badly and marched him right home to his parents and told them exactally what he did. He then told the parent in no uncertain terms, "keep your child away from my house and my children or I will call the police." If I see your child speak to, harm or intimidate in any way my child or any of the other children on the block, we will call the police and file a complaint against YOU!!!!
(This boy was a little older, 10 and was hitting my 9 year old son) It doesn't take long to get to that point. It has done the trick for now.
He hasn't been around for a bit now, but I have a feeling this is not the last of him we will see. But we have recourse.
Spitting on someone IS battery & assault, even if it is just a child.
If it comes to the point that you fear for your childs safety, that is intimidation! The parents will be held responsible.
Good luck to you. I feel your pain and it makes me so angry that some kids are so darn mean!! But lets face3 it, they learn it somewhere........
Hi Tina! I feel your pain! I'll never forget my son's first experience with a bully. I had taken him to Burger King's playland for the first time and he was SO excited...that is til he walked in and some bigger boy walked up to him and shoved him hard causing him to fall down. I'll never forget the shocked and bewildered look on his face, the tears came and he refused to go back in. I was so upset I wanted to knock that bully right on his butt! I did tell him that he shouldn't have pushed my son down, but the mother just laughed and thought it was funny. My son is now 13, super smart and a self-proclaimed "nerd". He's endured alot of teasing over the years but there were 2 instances that required me stepping in. Once when another boy in class made it his daily goal to ridicule my son in front of the entire class to the point where all the other kids were joining in. He came home miserable every day! When this was brought to the Vice Principal's attention she was shocked because the other boy was a total "nerd" too! Long story short, she gave him a good talking to, the teasing stopped and they are now friends. The second incidence occured last year when 2 boys had apparently been teasing my son on the bus for some time and it escalated into them getting physical, my son being traumatized, and this time the school and police became involved and battery charges were filed. One boy and his parents took full responsibility, apologized, charges were dropped and he's been nice ever since. The other boy and his parents denied everything (despite several witnesses) and it's still in court. Bullying is a terrible thing, sometimes done out of boredom, sometimes these kids don't have a happy homelife so they're taking their frustrations out on someone else. If this boy is picking on your son in school, let the principal know. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy on bullying. Definitely have a sit-down with both of his parents and let them know this needs to stop. Hopefully they will step up to the plate and put an end to it. If not, I would definitely not allow this child on your property, tell your son to avoid going anywhere near him, and if need be, you should go outside and say something to this child if he comes near your son or your home. Hopefully he'll get tired of it and move on. I wish you luck. My son was so sweet and innocent too and those bullies robbed him of that innocence. Hopefully you can put an end to it before your son becomes bitter and turns the tables on someone else.
I like the story of the dad who brought the bully home and told his parents what happened and threatened to call the cops. I think when men get really mad, they are more intimidating that most women. That is exactly what I would have my husband do. I think the mom might 'get it' a little better if your husband gets involved. Good luck, I know I hate mean kids and want to tell 'em like it is, but I have to be the mature adult!
Hi Tina, this is a tough one. I think that both you and your husband should talk to both of his parents together to emphasize the seriousness of the situation. Tell them that until their son learns some manners, you don't want him around your son or your property and basically give them the ultimatum that if they can't control their son then they're leaving you no choice than to get the police involved since you're afraid the situation is only going to get worst. If you or your husband are not able to be outside with your son then I would have him stay in your driveway. I hope things get better soon. Good luck :)
In many cases, children begin to bully after being bullied by someone else. It could be the parents, other children in the group, children at school, etc. Being a bully gives this child a sense of power. His parents may not believe many of his actions because he acts like an angel at home. When my son encountered a younger playmate who was disrepectful to him and I, my decision was to give this youngster a choice. I told him in our house we have rules. We don't speak to one another that way. You can either you treat everyone in this house nicely or you will have to leave. The youngster had a schocked looked on his face. It may not be a miracle, but you could always try it. Challenge him on it, not his parents--don't be mean. Give him a choice. If you continue to treat my son this way, you will not be welcome at our house.
your son is being harrassed. call the local police.
make a report. sadly kids learn what they live.
You are so much better than I would be - my son's father and I would both tell our little guy to start swinging first and ask questions later. It's not the textbook response, but for me, it's just as important to teach my son to stand up for himself as it is to have him turn the other cheek. If they start off this young being meek and letting people walk all over them, their entire life is going to follow that pattern. So, even though I'm sure that every other mother on here will say I'm terrible, my advice is to teach your son to throw a good right hook.
Can you imagine what that 7 year old sees and hears at his own home? Some "parents" should have never had kids. You're doing a good job mom with your child, wish I could say the same about these others that don't provide love or guidance. Sad situation. I would go to the police station and spreak to the juvenile officer and tell him the whole story and ask him to speak to the family about the repercussions of the sons actions. If those people don't nip this in the bud now, that child is jailbound in his future. Good luck mommy.
I like your idea about inviting the nice kids over. My son was picked on by a bully some years back. He even broke my son's brand new skate board on his birthday! He was crying and this other mother told my son to stop crying or he wouldn't have any friends.What another vicious person. I just told him to stay away from the bully. Apparently the boy had a very bad family life and that made him feel powerful. I don't know what was wrong with this particular neighborhood mother. She wanted the boy to come over and play with her son or somethinhg.Even moms can be kind of bullies. I was standing there watching this whole thing and wondered what to do. It sort of played itself out. My son stayed away for awhile and then we didn't invite the bully to do anything. It seemed like eventually things just worked out. You ought to tell the boy yourself, now that you talked to mom and she either can't or won't do anything that you will report him and do so, either to school or perhaps law enforcement. Little bullies sometimes grow up to be older bullies and you could actually be helping stop this child from really hurting someone some day. Actually he is really out of boundaries now so this is pretty serious.
Tina,
I have to agree with the other mom. Give a kid a taste of his own medicine. May not be the most mature thing but your son needs to stand up for himself!
We had the same sort of issues at some point. I came up with a strategy for my son if the bully still picked on him. What I finally told my son to do was 1. Tell the kid to stop. 2. Don't play by him 3. Tell an adult. 4. Hit back.
I know it's against your nature to tell your child to hit someone, but at some point, he's got to be able to defend himself.
Hope that helps!
Tina,
This boy is a mean pig. We went through something similar with our neighbor girl next door. I advised my daughter to "be nice"...in retrospect, I wish I would have told her to "push back" physically and verbally. Some kids are just plain mean. If the parents are not open to realizing their kid is a bully and won't do anything to help the situation, then it's up to you to advise your son. Sounds like you've tried ignoring him...how about setting up a play date / outing with a few kids (not him) and build your son's friends that way. This may give your son a few allies. Your son needs to stand up for himself (ie push back) and put this rotten apple in his place.
Being polite and respectful usually doesn't work with bullies. I would suggest you sit outside with while your son is playing. I know this takes time but it really is necessary. The hitting with a stick, soaking with a hose and stealing (not "borrowing") video games is unacceptable behavior from anyone, especially a 7 year old. If the bully's parents don't get involved, it might be time to call local authorities and ask for their suggestion. Your school might have a program that can help. Standing up for himself is important for your son, but often the victim ends up in trouble if he is physical because the bully is tricky and manipulative. Keep in mind that most bullies are being bullied themselves. Good luck.
Bullying is so unfortunate and sad. I feel it's typically because the child has it "hard" at home or just likes the power for whatever reason. I would most likely take walks, bike rides, be in the yard with. . . my son- either you or your husband. Then, maybe you could ask him if he'd like to play or just simply monitor the bully behavior at this time. If he knows eyes are on him from an adult, maybe he will back down. If the bullying continues, I would definitely not let my son play with him or even have contact with him if at all possible. Be ready to have positive experiences with good influences happen at your house under your supervision. I might even mention it to his teacher and possibly your son could get some good pointers from a school counselor and also, maybe the bully could get some attention from the school counselor. Just some suggestions. . . hope this helps.
Laura
How awful! Is the boy's father around? Maybe your husband could talk to him. I know that you don't want to tell your son to be mean but sometimes it's the only thing that works.
When my daughter was 5 the older boy across the street would pick on her on the bus pulling her hair kicking her seat etc.. finally she turned around and told him that if he didnt knock it off she was going to punch him in the mouth. It worked. I am so sorry your son is going thru this, being a kid is tough enough without all that nonsense.
I am going to give you an answer that you probably don't want - Hit, push and spit back. My son took the crap that 3 other kids were giving him for almost a year and he was miserable. Finally, we got him to realize that they were doing it because he was letting them. We told him to do what was necessary to defend himself and be ready to take the consequences (it was occurring at school). about 15 minutes after getting on the bus, we got a phone call from the school saying that we needed to come and pick up my son. What happened was that the kids were making fun of him on the bus (these are neighborhood kids and are all the same age)and my son got fed up, got up, turned around (they were sitting behind him) and decked all 3 giving 2 black eyes and 1 bloody nose (my son is very athletic and realizes that getting in trouble at school or getting poor grades means no baseball team, football team, volleyball team or basketball team). He got suspended for the day, the teachers actually thanked him because these boys were trouble for everyone. The boys no longer tease him and they are actually good friends because he is no longer their "kicking bag". He also doesn't have any trouble with anyone at school anymore because they know that he can defend himself and that he has our full support and approval. If you don't push back you are giving permission to this child to bully. The parents don't care that their child is doing this. The other route to take is to file a police report for stealing and harassment. That will make the parents hopefully wake up too.
Good Luck and have your son stand up for himself.
Hi Tina,
My son is in kindergarten, but we have read a couple of books together on bullying---Jungle Bullies and Fin M'Coul. In general, the stories show bullying behavior and it is resolved by the child standing up to the bully ---words with words and deeds with deeds.
Calling his mother, even if she was responsive, does not solve the issue. It is your son that needs to teach the bully to change his ways. So far, the bully has increasingly pushed boundaries with very little push back. After he took video games, picked on and teased, hit with a stick, laughed and swore at, called names, hosed, spat on your son, telling him they are not friends and leaving him out of juice and snacks may not be enough.
Have you thought about a Karate Class? Along with all the physical stuff, they teach about how to manage different scenarios like this.
Hope this helps.