Expecting a girl & slightly disappointed

Family & Parenting Other Family & Parenting
21

Hello Lena,

Congrats on the newest addition that will be arriving!!

Girls are no different than boys. I have 4 boys and 1 girl.
Someone told me that girls are easier than boys but can't prove it by this mother cause she can be just as bad as her brothers. My daughter is 12 yrs and isn't that picky about clothes. I do make sure that they have nice clothes to wear to school,church etc. She's going through changes right now so it is a little hard on the both of us.As for boyfriends nothing in that area yet same goes for the girlfriends for my boys. For now all I can say is jut enjoy your baby girl and let the rest take care of itself.
The one thing you don't ever want to do is compare your girl to your son cause that will show you favor one child more than the other and it will make the girl feel like she's not worthy and unloved.
Good Luck

God Bless and take care.
Alaskan

22

You have lots of good advice from readers. I have two boys 21 & 18 and they are very different people.Gender is not important, it's the person they are and it's fascinating watching them emerge into adulthood. Each child had different needs and challenges along the way. One was into clothes, had lots of girlfriend and the other was more emotional during the teen years, but low maintenance on a physical plane. Good luck and fortune to you on your parenting path which is unpredictable and wonderful.

23

Well Lena,
I don't have boys I only grew up with them. And I only have a daughter. How your child acts will depend on you and your mates' genetic mak-up and your behaviors. I thought my daughter would be so froo froo and girly since she had no brothers around. Turns out she is just like her parents, no fus no mus. What ever you show and interest in she will. She will want to be just like mommy. Get ready to have your space invaded. She will get into your make-up and destroy it trying to be like you and like to walk around in your shoes. Just enjoy your kids don't worry about the future it will take care of itself.

24

Hi Lena,

We had a baby girl 13 months ago and she is a total doll. She is so calm compared to baby boys, you'll love it. You're little one won't be throwing stuff and running around crazy, at least for the first year :) that should be a nice trade off for you!

25

Merry Christmas!!!! What a wonderful thing to have a healthy little one on the way!

I have a step daughter and a son. Of coarse right now my son is easier because he 1 1/2 and hasn't too many demands. But I love my step daughter so much. I is a different world x10 but in a good way! She is loving and thinks of others all the time. There is a lot of pink.. and I am not a big fan of the color but we work together on it.. :) She snuggles and gives love all the time (She is almost 7). Boys snuggle but only until about 5 and then they are BOYS Girls snuggle for longer... and if you can help it choosing friends, schools wisely you can prevent her from growing up too fast, as most kids are now-a-days.

I think you will find that it is a great mix!!! :)

26

I thought I always wanted boys and when I got pregnant I just knew I was having a girl. Ultrasound proved true and I can't tell you how happy I am to be a mom to a little girl. I think every mom should experience having a daughter, it's the most amazing thing in the entire world. I know there are challenges ahead but I have seen teenage girls both good and bad...so I know there is hope too:) We are pregnant again and I can't wait to have the next one, either gender brings its' own special gifts.

27

I have to laugh at your post about girls being high maintenance, or mood swings. Let me tell you, I have a 15 year old boy that would put any girl to shame in those areas. I have a 12 year old girl that is so easy going.
Out of 2 girls and 3 boys, they each have their ups and downs. But it is not because they are girl or boy, it is because of who they are.
You will grow to love having a girl. You can take her in to get her nails done, and play dress up.
If you want to know more, then please let me know. I would be more than willing to hold your hand in having a girl.. LOL
Congrats
Bev
www.SouthSoundDoula.com

28

Oh Lena, I can totally relate! When I was pregnant with #1, I was convinced, convinced, CONVINCED that it would be a boy. When I had that 20 week ultrasound and it was confirmed that baby was a GIRL, I wept. I had all the same "fears" as you, remembered how awkward puberty was, and consulted websites that dealt with "gender disappointment". I quickly realized I was in the minority, as most women were disappointed to find out their baby was a boy!

I teach middle school, and I always enjoyed teaching the boys because they are so "obvious" about everything. A large number (but definitely not all) girls at that age can be more reserved and concerned with how others perceive them, so they don't raise their hands as much, don't show off how smart they are (compared to the boys who always want to be seen as "brainy"), and don't seem to challenge themselves to do their best work, but boy do they like the drama and socialization that middle school brings. But, the more I thought about it, the more I started to think about things this way: I have had dozens of girls in my 10 years of working with middle schoolers that I would LOVE to know as adults. Very smart, very articulate, engaged with the world around them, not overly concerned with appearance/socializing, responsible, funny, all the characteristics that I would want in a daughter.

Having a daughter has helped me two-fold, 1. I cannot imagine NOT having a little girl now! I enjoy her so much, she really does make my life better by helping me be the best woman I can be (for my sake and hers), and I look forward to her being older so we can enjoy "girly" things together. I never liked pink, still don't, but I do think little girls' clothing has such a variety to it!2. It has helped me be a positive figure in my female students' lives. I realize that I have the power to encourage them to be their best possible people and to communicate the most effective way they are possible by challenging them.

I keep thinking of all the great girls I have taught (some of whom have now graduated from college and are still in touch), and how THEIR parents must have raised them right, and that I can do it too... It's MY responsibility to raise my daughter to be her best person and I love it.

We just found out that our baby #2 (due in May) is also a girl. Of course we thought "one of each" would be fun, but this time--I was really glad to hear that it's another girl! I never had a sister, my mother--in-law never had a sister, all four of my sisters-in-law never had sisters, just my own mom had sisters and is very close to one of them. Needless to say, all of us women think it's awesome to have more girls in the family!

A parent of a family whom I have had the pleasure of teaching all three of their kids (2 boys 1 girl) said this, "Boys are a heart-attack waiting to happen until they hit middle school and then they tend to mellow out, whereas girls are super easy until middle school when they break your heart if you let them." Her daughter was awesome, and I know it's because she had a great relationship with her brothers and parents.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy as you plan for your daughter. She will bring you so much joy and awareness, you will love it!

Blessings!
Mara

29

I'm sorry to say that, but your threat kind of makes me mad. People like you are the reason why I constantly have to justify my little girl. She is almost 11 months now, and the most wonderful person you can imagine. There are so many couples out there who cannot have kids at all, or have major problems conceiving. You should be glad to have a healthy baby growing. We didn't find out the gender of our baby when I was pregnant because we wanted a surprise. Early on both my husband and I thought it was a girl, but as pregnancy progressed everyone around me predicted a boy (the way I carried her). When we had a girl we were beyond happy, but have to deal with family who is disappointed about her being a girl to this day and refuse to meet her. Embrace the blessing you have. It will all depend on how you raise your kids. If you raise them to be high maintenance and demanding, they will cost you a lot, but that's for both genders. Have you ever looked at what these "boy" toys (PS3, etc.) cost?? I don't think girls will necessarily cost more than boys, and the mood swings, well, some kids have them, others don't..

30

If you begin disappointed you will always be disappointed in her no matter what she does in life and the saddest thing is that she will always sense it, know it and it will shape who she is as a human being. If you don't know what it is like to grow up knowing that you are never truly unconditionally accepted by your mother or parents let me give you a clue. It sucks, it's painful, it shapes you in ways that cause you to make poor choices in friends and boyfriends and it makes it very difficult to learn to accept your self. Not complaining because I've overcome growing up as that unaccepted person but it took a LOT of mistakes, a LOT of pain and a LOT of soul searching to get to this point. Maybe it is what helped shape the strong, confident, happy woman I am today but I don't know if I'd want to go that it again.

I don't know where you get the ideas about what you have ahead with a girl unless you are basing them on your self. If you've never had a girl before how could you possibly have any idea whatsoever what kind of baby, toddler, child, adolescent and adult she is going to be? She could end up being the biggest blessing of your life but you'll never see it if you don't get these limiting ideas out of your head now.

I know one thing for sure. Children ALWAYS live up to our expectations of them. If you expect her to be difficult that is a 1,000,000% guarantee that she will be. If you expect her to be moody, she will be. If you expect her to be vain and more worried about how she looks than who she is then she will be. Parenting shapes most of these personality characteristics so putting the responsibility on her is not fair. Every child is different regardless of their gender and if you base how you raise your little girl on what other people share of their own experiences you are cheating her out of everything she deserves.

My advice...don't listen to anyone else. Just get to know her as she grows and feel blessed she is healthy and happy.

Sincerely,
Cheryl

31

As a mom of 4 boys and 2 girls, I can tell you that for me anyway both sexes have their advantages and disadvantages. Don't know if you plan to quit having kids after 2...but if not you'll get a mix. My boys get more physical, so 2 boys might have meant fist fights or other testosterone filled activities like sword fighting in the living room, kick boxing off the couch, peeing and MISSING....forts all over the house, football, soccer, baseball, broken bones, worn out knees in the pants and burping contests at the table. I'm of course using humor here OK. A girl on the other hand MIGHT (unless she's a tomboy) read her books, tie up the phone with chats to the friends, take ballet, cuddle with mom, steal daddy's heart, wear pretty clothes and love makeup and jewelry, crochet, like baking w/mom, and have a lot of giggles and laughter to her. On an off day she may scream, cry and slam her door. On an off day your son may push or hit something or someone, scream and even he may cry. I can tell you puberty is no picnic in either sex!!!! My boys have gotten more aggressive at times, more mouthy and more physical.....within reason. My puberty ridden daughters have gotten more emotional but most often don't yell. They just cry and run to their room sobbing and slam doors. At least w/a girl you and she are the females against all those guys! In a long term prospect, your daughter will decide the parenting style of those grandchildren and in the event of divorce, etc. if your child is the mother of the children your chances of seeing them is greater. I've seen sons who never see their kids. Anyway I covered a broad spectrum here LOL but hang in there and I know all about scared!!! Teen pregnancy has always been a fear somewhere in my subconscious, but I worry for my boys also....they can get tricked into pregnancy...and have no say in the pregnancy should an unplanned one occur. I can tell you that boys are just as high maintenance as girls AND whoever said only girls have mood swings is L-Y-I-N-G. right ladies????

32

As a nurses practitioner you should you know that not all girls are "high maintence" i have 1 boy and 3 girls and they are all different with different challenges. But i also know how you feel with our last one I was hoping for a boy but had a beautiful girl. You should let yourself feel sad but in the long run you will be so happy for that girl that you were blessed with. Merry Christmas!!!!

33

I have both a boy (first) and then a girl. I am happy that I have both for many reasons, and love them both deeply. They are grown to adults now and I can speak to many of the "experiences" you may fear. As babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, I found that when one was driving me crazy with a phase the other was calm and collected.

Both my children were active in the outdoors because I expected it. Neither child as children through teenagers were afraid of the outdoors, although my son was more of a thinker, contemplator and is now an minister, while my daughter is an avid, and I do mean avid outdoors woman, summer, winter...etc.

My daughter was more emotional, so as a teen, I put her in sports...she was also a straight A student in the gifted program. She did not have time or energy to be emotional. She went to bed at 9:00...voluntarily at 16. I believe sports are important to emotional girls---and year round activities so they are always engaged. By the way, my daughter was very small and doll like looking as a preschooler. I had to constantly battle people who wanted to treat her like a doll. She wanted to wear lacy, feminine dresses and play in the mud, climb trees, etc.

So, some of your daughter's behavior will be determined by your expectations and the type of things that you expose her to. Some of your daughter's behavior will be genetics. And that you will have to live with.

And if your daughter is 'emotional' you will deal with it, as I did. The terrible twos will begin a bit earlier and last a bit longer. Your heart strings will become more entangled than you thought a child could entangled them. That is not necessarily bad.

34

Hi Lena,

I was blessed with two boys and one girl. Yes my daughter went through mood swings but sometimes so did the boys. What I would have missed out if I did not have her in my life were the girl times. We loved to go to lunch and out shopping with each other. We sewed together and even made jewelry together. She loved cooking with me and we got pedicures together. She is now married and says that she catches her child saying the same things I did. She calls me when her son is acting up and she will wonder how I lived through it and ask for advice. When we get together we talk about all sorts of girl stuff and even compare purses and jewelry(what little we have) She calls when she sees an ad that is something she thinks I might enjoy

Yes there have been the hard times but the good one out weigh them all. Teen years were good and bad. Yes at some point you know nothing but that is true of both boys and girls. The first time they come to you and tell you, yes you were a good parent and thank you it all goes away.No child is perfect and there are times you may even ask who are you?

She will be a precious gift as she is part of you.

Congratulations!!!!

35

I thought I was having a boy, but then my daughter came along. It is true that raising girls is quite a different experience. However, I think that active parenting and constant communication with your girl can help you get through the bumpy parts of the tween and teen years. I grew up with 3 sisters and 3 brothers, and, to be quite honest, I think (and my parents thought) that the girls were easier on the whole. I have more boys in my grade 6-8 classroom, and it is true the girls are more moody, but the boys bring along other issues.

Although I prepared myself with glee for having a boy, I wouldn't trade my eight-year-old girl for anyone. She is willful and is working on navigating her way through the popularity thing, but I think she makes good choices on the whole.

Good luck with the path ahead. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

36

Hi,
Congrats.. I have 2 girls they are young only 3 and 6.. But when I found out I was having another girl I was excited... and people would make comments like, too bad u didn't get your boy.. and so on..
But think of it this way, there are so many woman not able to have children and you were given a little girl. I truely believe God gave you a girls for a special reason :)
Also. boys can be difficult too, just think of boys and fast reckless driving the need for speed as a teenager.
You will have so much fun with your girl and instill positive rolemodle.. Teach her how to bake, play sports.. be a strong girl.. girls rock.
I read your other post and I had to c-sections and am glad I did.. my friend had one c-section the first time around and then did a vbac and she tore so bad she had to have surgery to make everything o.k. again down there.. sorry I know this doesn't answer your question thou.. In hind site she wishes she would have opted for the 2nd c- section.
Best of luck,
Lenc

37

When I was pregnant with my second I was expecting and wanting another boy. I think it was because we were having so much fun with our son. We had a girl and I can't be happier. Our family would not feel complete without her. The dynamic between a boy and a girl is great. They don't fight as much as same sex kids I know. They really look out for one another and they are perfect in their own right. You will feel different when you meet your little girl. She will be just as precious as your little boy. I think it's normal to have the feelings you are having, but don't let your fear stop you from really enjoying all the indivialities of each child. They will both cause you trouble in their own time. Congratulations!

38

Lena,

I know how you feel. I was a tomboy growing up and would really have preferred to raise boys, I relate to them better. My son turned 5 in October, and my daughter will be 2 in March. I didn't get my wish and was terrified of trying to raise a girly girl. She is more of a handful than her brother ever is. I'm also glad that I have one of each. They play together and are each other's best friend.

If you have any questions or would like to talk send me a message.

Melissa

39

I think Shelly summed it up best by saying that they will both cause you troubles of their own in time. I concur about everything she had to say.

We had a little boy who was 2 when I got pregnant and I truly wanted a little boy again. In fact, I would love to have a Nascar team full of boys, but we now have a little girl, and she is one of favorite kids. I mean, not to be biased, but there is something about having a little girl that just is so much fun.

I really did not believe it when my former employer who only had a girl stated that having a girl was great and was the best thing in this world. I was immature and didn't want to believe her because she ONLY had a girl. Come to find out, having both really makes sense. I love the fact that my son and Boston Terrier really take care of her. They protect her and she loves them for it. I would never trade that.

As for being prissy or too girly, that is what it is. You can either make her that way, or just teach her what you believe to be fair and honest and keep going. Like, teach her to be able to change the oil and change a tire and cool stuff like that. My dad wouldn't even let me touch a lawn mower until I was over 18, so I am much more domestic than a lot of women. I learned after being married for 7 years how to do a lot on my own, but let her grow into her own individual style and just love her as much as you can. She will become what she wants as long as you love her and teach her everything you know.

Congratulations, and good luck. I am so excited to hear of her coming.

Kim B.

40

Expect nothing. Even if you were having another boy your experience with this one would be different then the first. As a mother of two boys (, and a girl)every child is different no matter what the sex. Some days my oldest is way more moody than my girl. There are some intrinsic differences, of course, but none more difficult than the other. (That does vary from day to day :))

Congratulations! Buy a pink football and roll with the punches.