Ok, we found out yesterday that we are expecting a girl. We were hoping for another boy. I can't help but to feel slightly disappointed. I am happy she is healthy & growing well. However, we were thinking of all the high-maintenance behavior down the road - mood swings, having just the right outfit, boyfriends, etc. We are more scared than anything. I would appreciate some advice from other Moms who've experienced raising both boys and girls. What can we expect & how do they compare? Thank you.
We have two girls, ages three (almost four) and just turned one. I was disappointed that number two wasn't a boy because we wanted one of each. I would have been more disappointed to have no girls however, they're so fun! Yes later can be an issue, but raise them right, keep lines of communication open and honest and all should be manageable. You were once a teenage girl, think about what your parents did right (or wrong).
Thinking back on my initial disappointment now I couldn't imagine life any other way, now that I see them together, how she loves her little sister and how they play together! You'll see when she's here how good it is. And her older brother will be such a good helper and protector. I have no brothers, no sons, we still want to try again for a boy!
Besides if you had two boys, trust me, you'd look at all those great girl clothes and wince. And when she's older you can shop, get manicures, etc together! And it's fun to see her play with my old toys and wear my old dresses. You'll have a blast, trust me! And remember it's okay to feel disappointed too..just a stage that you need to go through. Go buy some cute special girlie things, you'll feel better about it :) congrats!!
We have both a girl 3.5 and a boy 20 months. We did not find out what we were having with either a head of time in part for this reason. Anyway we could not imagine what life would be like if any different. It is so wonderful to have the two children and I must say that I think it is also wonderful that we get to experience raising both a boy and a girl!
My only daughter was a girl, and even as she reached adolescence, raising her was far more joy than terror or aggravation.
My only grandchild is a boy. I thought I would have a hard time adapting to that (I had hoped he'd be a girl), but I fell deeply and irrevocably in love with his little self from the first moment I met him. Don't worry about those difficult feelings, Lena. I'll bet they'll evaporate when your little one is born, if not before.
There are particular challenges and hazards to raising either gender. Establish the relationship you want with her early, give it consistent energy and intention, live what you want her to learn, and you should be fine. Just like with a boy! I wish you as much delight in her as I have experienced with my daughter.
I have one of each. My son is 4 1/2 and my daughter is 2 1/2. There are a completely different set of challenges for each, and they are not always typical. Both my kids are typical and atypical in a lot of ways. My son is very rough and tumble and roudy, but at the same time, he is very sensitive and very in tune to how others act. My daughter is a little diva, already picky about shoes and coats and loves dolls, but at the same time, she is rough and can beat up her brother. They are both a lot of fun, and really it all comes down to their individual personality. My son is very artistic and the most creative story teller and my daughter likes to pick things apart and get into things. Of course later in life the challenges will change completely and its true girls are generally more picky and can end up costing more money because of that, but its not guaranteed she will end up that way. I myself was a tomboy and didn't care much about being popular or expensive clothes or even makeup for a long time, (although I was very much into boys). I played basketball in school and fit in with all the crowds (me and my friends were sort of the middle ground in school for all the different cliques) I promise you it will be a joy, and your lucky you had your boy first. I certainly like my son being older to protect her from other boys. But I wouldn't dwell just on her having boyfriends, your son has just as much potential for trouble with girlfriends. Just be firm in your values with them and I'm sure they will follow the right path.
Lena,
The other responses are right...you will, soon enough not be able to imagine life without her. One thing that someone told me about girls, that I have always remembered, is this: When boys grow up they get married and have a new woman in their life and the bond although special is completely different than that with your girl because when she grows up your relationship will only continue to grow and be stronger. I talk to my mom atleast once every week and we live two states away from eachother. I love my mom and need her more as an adult than I ever imagined I would!
Believe me, I know that boys are the bomb...I have a grip of them (I too was a lil' disapointed, I loved the idea of 3 brothers)....but my lil' girl is amazing and watching her with her Daddy melts my heart on a daily basis!!!
Just you wait...You will see.
Karma
I sooooo wanted 2 girls but got 2 boys instead. As one of three girls myself I felt like I KNOW girl land, I so wanted all the trappings of little girls--the bows, the dresses, the dolls, even though I'm not a girly-girl myself. To say that I was devastated when the ultrasound showed another boy...well, that was an understatement. I was thrown into a bad depression for two weeks afterwards, all the while feeling terribly GUILTY because the baby looked healthy and I thought God would surely punish me for feeling that way. I actually had to start taking anti-depressants at 22 weeks b/c I was simply not coping. Some Mamasource moms told me about these sites, which you should check out. They helped me. I still get sad at department stores, the toys shopping when I'm stuck in the boys' toys sections. But I will say this: I love this second little boy of mine. It wasn't as immediate as with my first boy, but within 2 days I was pretty much head over heels. It's not that you don't want the children you have; it's what you're NOT getting that makes you sad. So don't feel guilty. And my husband was worthless at making me feel better. Hope yours is more intuitive than mine. Here's one site to get you started, called "Secretly Sad": http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/fetal_development/genetics_gender/article/overcoming-gender-disappointment
Best,
AMD
Something to think about. Boys also go through puberty and are high maintenance also. Sports are very costly no matter the gender. Boys are pretty particular now days of what they wear. I have a son just turned 21, a girl 13 and one girl 11.
It's not about gender but each child's personality combined with what they learn from their parents.
Relax and enjoy your bundle of joy. You might be surprised just how pleasurable it will be to have a daughter.
When I was pregnant with my second child my husband wanted another boy. When she came out as a girl he was the happiest person and she's Daddy's little girl. Girls are so much easier to raise so far. She was an easy baby. All she did was sleep and eat. She's not as rowdy or hyper as my son is. I tell her to clean her room or do something she does it right away without fussing unlike my son who keeps trying to test my nerves or make me get angry with him. Girls are easy.
Hi Lena!
Congrats! I am so happy for you! Girls are no more high maintenance than boys, just in different ways. Just address their concerns as best as you can, it will be fine. My girl wears her emotions on her sleeve so at least you know what is going on. My boy is a true crab, all hard on the outside and tender on the inside, which makes it harder to figure out what he is feeling. But these are personality traits, not gender ones. I've known Moms of boys totally exasperated by their 4 year old dramas. Just work on having a great emotional bond with her, which I have no doubt you will, and it will be just fine. Girls tend to be more upset with bumps and bruises but they won't have as many, usually. Orion has bloodied his lip so many times by now, I've lost track! On mood swings, I have found that keeping Casia up on a good multivitamin really helps her be able to manage them better. She needs more niacin than what is in our diet normally. Also helps with growing pains at night! You won't have to worry about the pink obsession until somewhere close to 18/24 months. And even boys go through stages of liking it. You are a good Mom, Lena. You will find the right balance of showing her how to take care of herself and care about her appearance and obsessing with the mirror. Just remember to always instill how valuable they are as people, not what gender role they should play, and you'll be a huge step ahead.
Many well wishes!
Kerry
Oh, Lena - I have SUCH good news for you!!! Girls and boys come in every flavor. There are girls that are moody and difficult and there are girls who are so easy - it's just amazing. There are boys that are athletic and well balanced emotionally and there are boys that are ----------high need- volatile and explosive. I cannot recommend too strongly that you get a copy of a child raising book titled ''Touch Points ''' by T. Barry Brazleton -- he talks about the different types of personality and what works well with each--. I raised 3 children - a girl, boy in the middle- and then my youngest is a girl. L. - is my oldest and she was so easy to raise - it was almost scary- balanced, helpful and eager to please. D- my boy- was also SO easy going - my youngest tested me until I thought I'd lose my mind.
Here's old mothers' advice
1. look to see who your baby is - she may be the tomboy of all time - an athlete- a mathmetician who loves to fix things - LET HER BE WHO SHE IS - musician? - artist? What her gender is is the smallest clue to who she'll be
2. keep your marriage strong and work together - don't let either of your children work one against another- all children are hard-wired to try.
3. keep your sense of humer
Many blessings,
Judy
I have one biological son (11 y/o), and two step sons (6 and 10 y/o). We were blessed with a daughter May of 2007. I have to say I shared many of the same fears that you have expressed, but my fears have so far been unfounded. My little girl brings a calmness and a closeness that I have not had with my other children. I have enjoyed every moment of being a mom of a little girl and yes I knwo it will be tough during some times,but as a baby she seems so much easier and a much easier tempermant.
Hope this helps.
Okay, beyond the stereotyping, I can't say that I've seen any indication that girls are more expensive than boys. Both can ask for huge presents at Christmas, whether video games or clothes (for either gender).
I have one of each child, but I was also one of seven, split between the two genders. And I found that, even with my parents' experience, they didn't know what to expect from any of us. Your child can grow into the very expectations you set up for her: ultra fashion conscious, moody, playing the field... or she will, more likely, surprise you utterly. My daughter is feminine, and loves clothes, but she is as just as happy with homemade stuff and consignment things as she is with new clothing.
How you RAISE your kid is the important thing. If you raise her to be fickly and care only about her appearance, she might do that very thing. If you show her empathy and caring, responsibility and intelligent thought, she will show them back to you.
Remember, too, that both children will become teenagers, but with help, they will grow out of that stage, too.
Well, there are things that are typically easier about girls also... potty training for one! Just think down the road to all of the things that you would miss out on if she were a boy! I have two boys, and while I couldn't imagine life any other way, I look at the bond that I have with my mom, and the bond that my husband has with his mom. They're both strong, but entirely different, and I know that I will never have a little girl who grows up to get married and have children of her own. As my boys get older and we have sports and scouts and all these boy things going on in our house, not to mention how much they eat... I do sometimes wonder "what if?". I'm missing out on all of those mother-daughter moments that you can never have with a son. I was a little disappointed when we got the ultrasound results with my second son, but he turned out to be the perfect youngest child for our family. The good thing about knowing now, is that it gives you time to adjust your hopes and expectations and get excited about who this baby actually is. One of my friends said it best that when you find out the sex of the baby, it's always a little bittersweet because all of the "maybe" children that you had imagined are lost. Good luck!
hi Lena,
congrats on your baby. you will be amazed at how much you love your baby girl. i have 2 girls and they are completely opposite personalities. the beautiful thing is you grow with them and there is nothing to be scared of. yes it is a total learning process and with my girls being complelety different at every age just when we think we have it all figured out everything changes anyway and we get to learn it all with them. we thought it was great to have a 2nd girl because we already had everything well that didn't work either because they were born different seasons and nothing seemed to fit at the right time so funny we saved everything and ended up garage selling andyway.
there are so many fabulous books on raising girls and the biggest thing is building a strong self esteem so they are not ashamed of themselves and are proud to be who they are whether they are a boy or a girl. there are some really great websites too. imom.com has been really helpful for me with tips for raising children and has tabs for every age. may you continue to have a healthy and blessed pregnancy.
We have a 3yr old girl and a 16 month old boy. It has been so fun to watch how they approach the world in such differnt and distinct ways. I can also see a special bond forming between them that wouldnt be the same if they were the same gender. I grew up in a household with only girls, so I can compare the two. I don't know about the high-maintenance and other problems you're worried about, but I think that it doesn't have to be that way. Each gender presents its own parenting challenges. Just get ready to enjoy your daughter, because raising one of eacH is going to be FUN!
I haven't raised a girl through adolescence, but I was a low maintenance girl through my own, and my sisters and sisters-in-law, who are all teenagers, are very responsible, respectful girls. Not all girls are going to act like something off of tv. I think upbringing and personality play as much of a role as hormones and teen culture. Just be available and make sure she knows your expectations.
Good Morning,
I am so happy for your family and may your baby be full term and healthy.
I am a mom of 4, 3 girls and a boy (#3). (I will also tell you that I had a pregnancy of twin boys that was not viable- so gender was not my primary focus with pregnancy).
I will only tell you that you are a lucky mom to have the opportunity to learn from each of your children regardless of being a boy or girl.
I will hope for your sake you will allow the gift you are receiving to be one of the best experiences of life.
Forecasting difficulties so far in the future seems unnecessary. May you enjoy the many phases of parenting, watching both a boy and girl grow to become wonderful individuals.
Merry Christmas,
Doris
Hi Lena,
We had a girl first and wanted another one, so when we found out our second was a boy, I was disapointed too. The first moment I help him I loved him more than words could say. If we had anymore I would want more boys! He is so cuddly and snuggly compared to my daughter ( although, she has autism and snuggly usually does not happen with this) But once you have that precious little package in your arms it will feel so right! Merry Christmas
It's not the gender as much as it is their overall constitution and your relationship that determines the atmosphere you will find yourself in. Boys are no picnic at times as well. Boys are wonderful, girls are wonderful. I didn't have mood swings growing up, and my relationship with my parents went through various stages all towards a healthy one as an adult. Try not to look at the gender with set expectations on either end of the spectrum. We all end up with a unique mix of personality, mixed with our own (which has ALOT to do with outcome) and family dynamic. Think positive no matter who is born into your life.
:)
Liz