during delivery...

So I am really nervous about the delivery to say the least. I really wanted to ask people not to come up to the hospital until after its over. My husband is upset and seems to think this is very rude, even though his parents live only about 5 min from the hospital. Am I being unreasonable??

Labor is not a spectator sport.... When I was in labor one of my friends showed up (really close friend), I was put on a petocin drip and I was an evil mean person... it was not fun for her or my husband to be trapped in a room with me. The good news is I returned to my normal self right after my daughter was born.

You will not know what you are going to behave like until you are actually there...

Hi Erika,

The birthing experience is a beautiful and wondrous event, however it is also a very personal and exposing event. If you are not comfortable with having other people there, you have every right to say no.

If family really want to be there then tell them they can wait out in the waiting room. Your husband is not the one going through this you are, so you get to decide.

I wish I could tell you how to change your hubby's opinion but I think some men just don't get it. If you still don't agree by time your labor rolls around and it's really important to you then tell your Doc and your nurse that you don't want visitors till it's done and they will regulate the flow of people.

Congratulations!!! And I wish you an uncomplicated delivery with a happy and healthy baby and mommy :)

Karen SAHM of 3

Nope. Not in the least. My midwife told me that I had NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER to invite ANYONE to my labor/delivery that I don't absolutely want there. In fact she said that having people there I wasn't comfortable with could actually make my labor longer/more uncomfortable because I would unconsciously tense up and tension is no good for pain or short labors.

You didn't invite the in-laws to the conception and there's NO NEED to invite them to the birth. You aren't even obligated to tell them you are in labor until it's all over and you've had a chance to take a shower. Your husband can tell them that everything happened so fast and he totally forgot to call because he was by your side waiting on you hand and foot the whole time and he didn't even get to take a bathroom break because he was so involved...that's if they even notice they weren't invited to watch the birth, they'll probably be too busy making goo-goo eyes at their new grandchild to even think about it. Put your pregnant foot down on this one. I can't even think of what the male equivalent of giving birth would be, passing a kidney stone? Would he want a bunch of people to come hang out with him while he's passing a kidney stone?

As for labor. IT SUCKS. I'm not going to lie to you. I hear there are women who enjoyed every contraction and I've been hearing all about orgasmic birthing lately but those women are (crazy) lucky bitches. I was in labor for 12 hours and my water broke before I even started to have contractions, which apparently makes it that much more painful. I didn't have an epidural and so I felt everything and it was REALLY uncomfortable. It was like running a marathon and then being beat up at the end. BUT, having said all that, I did it. It's done. Labor lasts a finite amount of time. I think that's the most helpful thing I was told before I went into labor, it only lasts so long and then you're done. That baby is coming out, no two ways about it. Every contraction you have, as much as they may (or may not) suck, is one less contraction you have to have. Every time you push (and I pushed for three hours) that's one less push. YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU WILL DO IT. And then it'll be done and you'll be way to busy to think about it.

And seriously, you have my permission to kick your husband in the shins the next time he mentions inviting people to the hospital to watch you push out a baby.

Erika,

I hope your husband can understand that it is YOU that is going through the delivery!!! My husband and I didn't even tell anyone when we went to the hospital when I was in labor. We called people right away after my first son was born and after my second we called in the morning, since he was born late at night. Labor and delivery are different for everyone. If I have another baby I might actually wait a day to call and have that time with my husband and baby all to myself, just to enjoy that time. I was exhausted after my first and wish I would have gotten some rest after delivery and waited to call family later :) My personal opinion is that it should be up to YOU since you are the one giving birth!

Good luck,

Nickie

you do not have to have anyone in the room iwth you.. just the dr if that is what you prefer.. even hubby can wait in the waiting room.

It is your choice..

Labor hurts.. but it is not the worst pain I have ever had... Personnally I thought that bladder infection pain was worse..

However the epidural will take away all the pain and you will be much happier as will the dr and everyone else.. Get the epidural. It is hard to be cheerful wehn you are in pain.. Everything was much better once I got the epidural. Fro my second child I was trying to be brave and waited a while to get the epidural.. not a good idea.

Absolutely not unreasonable! You are the one having the baby--you choose who you want at the birth. It's a very personal thing just like conception. You need to feel safe, secure and comfortable when you have this baby. You will be surrounded by labor support staff--all of whom are well trained and supportive, so breathe, and relax. I had my first baby 14 years ago and had my son 3 years ago, and I will tell you this--the epidurals of today are so much better than when I had my daughter. My son was a painless birth. I'm having another baby soon and would never consider not having an epidural.

Good luck with your new bundle of joy,

Markasa

Erika,

You are absolutely NOT being selfish or unreasonable to want to go through labor and delivery with just your husband in attendance! I never wanted anyone there either, not even my mom.

You stand your ground with this or most likely you will regret it, and shame on him for trying to push this on you! You just remind him that he only has a supporting role in this, YOU are doing all the work, experiencing the discomfort, and are the one being exposed to the world! LOL tell him that sure everyone can come to the delivery if he gets naked too! Good luck to you and God Bless you, you will do great!!

I do not think it is unreasonable to ask people to come to teh hospital after the delivery. I delivered both my children with just my husband at my side and no-one pacing outside teh door. I would not have had it any other way.
You need to stand your ground on this one, you are not being rude, you are the one going to do this and you should choose how it's done.
I would say do not even call people until the baby has arrived. If his parents are five minutes from the hospital they can be there five minutes after the birth, no big deal.
You need your husband to be concentrating on your needs, not worrying about anyone else in the room or waiting outside, they can wait until you have delivered.
Do it your way, he should be more concerned with your wants and needs right now, not those of his relatives, you need his full support.
Don't worry too much. It seems really scary before the first one, and it is not going to be easy, but you will get through it and it will be so worth it. Eventually it will be a distant memory and you will have the fruits of your labor to enjoy for a lifetime. Just think, if it were that bad we would all only have one child.
Good luck :)

Absolutely not unreasonable! Labor is a very personal, intense time and you need it to be how you will be most comfortable! Don't give in on this or it will make the experience less than you have hoped for. Hopefully he'll come to understand and fully support you. This is one experience that should all be about you and your needs!! Best wishes for a wonderful delivery!!

I have had 3 kids...
For the 1st baby I had my next youngest sister in the room (she was 16 and we called it birth control)
For my 2nd my mom drove from PA and watched our 3 yr old. Just me and hubby in the room.
For our 3rd my youngest sister was in the room. (She was 19,and newly married... :-) Life lesson)

Personally I would NEVER have my inlaws at the hospital... Not even MY DAD... It is a personal private thing. You want to celebrate it, but I think that it is indecent to allow a situation to progress where men, that are not your dr or hubby, will see you in a very private emotional state. (Naked and sprawled...lol)

It is not rude...
It is normal...
Untill not too long ago NOONE but medical people were allowed to be present for a delivery.
Just tell the inlaws that YOU will CALL them when YOU are ready.
You will want to rest BEFORE everyone comes to see the baby. You NEED to rest Before anyone comes in. Daddy needs to have bonding time with just baby and mommy BEFORE there are outside influences.

Trust me, He will be proud, and emotionally exhausted and really will not want to have to entertain... Brag, yes, but only for a few minutes at a time.

If you don't want anyone there, tell them... Don't leave it up to your hubby to tell them. Just tell them its your first child and could take a long time... (my first was 23 hrs from the time they BROKE the water 5 hrs after induction till delivery)And you would not be able to relax if you knew they were waiting that long... Relaxing = faster delivery. Just tell them that you'll call when you are at the hospital so they can pray for a speedy delivery... And then AFTER the birth, when you are ready.
With our 1st it was 1 am when she was born and we didn't call anyone till the next morning after a couple hours of sleep... After our 2nd the calls started a few hours after birth. With our 3rd I called a friend who was leaving town the next day about 30 min after I popped out a 10 lbs baby au natural and asked her to come in about an hour... He was born at 5 pm ...

Each baby is different and each delivery is different.

You do not know what to expect right now...
Put your foot down so you are more relaxed and if hubby has a problem with it e-mail me and I'll give you my # so he can call me and maybe get an experienced unbiased opinion on what YOU really will need after and during this miracle.

Relaxation and peace (and a water tub in my opinion) lol...

Hope you have a GREAT delivery...

For either of my deliveries I asked that no one come up during the delivery. Of course our parents (and we have three sets) didn't understand until I explained it to them. Once I gave my reasoning, they were fine with it and were understanding. If you're comfortable with this - check with your hospital to see if there is a waiting room on the OB floor that they could wait in, or could they wait in the cafeteria during the final stages of labor and then you could call them when the baby is born and then again when you are ready to receive visitors (if you're not comfortable with them coming up right away). We had considered this, but both of our moms decided that they would stay more occupied at work and wouldn't pace as much as they would in a waiting room. My dad was completely understanding and said that he would just wait to come up until I was settled into my room afterwords. GOOD LUCK, and everything will be fine. Remember - you are the one who has to go through the delivery and you need to be as stress free as possible, and comfortable. Stick to your guns!!

My parents drove 45 minutes for the delivery...they popped in and out of the room AS NEEDED (always out if I was actively having something going on), but for the most part they were in the waiting room for close to 24 hours.
While I can't speak for your inlaws, my parents respected my privacy for the actual pushing and such. I was relieved that they were there to offer support and provide an extra person for my husband to talk to (as your husband might need the emotional support), but they primarily talked outside my room. Plus, I think the medical personnel would not allow them in the room for the entire time anyways.
Having said that, your inlaws are just five minutes away. They could just as easily come after as stay in the waiting room for the whole deal. If your husband needs to talk with them, they are a phone call away. In the end, you and your husband may need a little private time to acquaint yourselves with the new kid on the block before allowing others in the room.
Good luck!

no I dont think so you have to do whatever makes you feel right. I had the moms and my sister and husbun in the room with both of my kids and I really did not even know they were in there at the time, where I had the kids at the rooms are very big so there was lots of room for people. maybe thet could be in right up till you have the baby they leave and come back in after the birth. I really liked haveing people to talk to thro. the labor. but really you have to do what makes you happy.

Honestly, for me...I wasn't sure how I would feel, but when I was having the contractions and pushing out my baby, I didn't care who was there and who was watching! you could have invited i the entire town to watch and I wouldn't have cared as long as they were quiet. All that I was focused on was pushing as hard as I could and seeing my baby. I'm sure everyone is different, but I actually appreciated the people that were there. It was nice to have so many people helping :)

Your baby.....your rules but speaking as a grand parent, We wanted to be there and go through the thrill ourselves..so think carefully.
We were there to say hi and chat till the labor got intense then went to the waiting room till mom was ready for visitors.

Childbirth is a very personal and individualized thing. My parents (with whom I am very close) live two hours away, and I called them as soon as things were really starting to progress. They were in the room visiting with me through part of the labor and to be honest with you THEY seemed very uncomfortable. I chose not to have an epidural, and it was hard for them to watch me be in pain. When the nurse had them step out so she could check me, my husband I decided to have them wait the rest of the time in the waiting room. I think it was a relief for them - they wanted to be there for me if I wanted them there, but it was a hard thing for them to watch. I can't say anything about in-laws because both my husband's parents had unfortunately passed away before our children were born. My husband went and got them as soon as things were cleaned up, and it was perfect that way. I am a rather private person so in my case the fewer people there watching, the better!
You are definitely not being unreasonable, but maybe there is a compromise in this somewhere. If your husband really wants them there, maybe they could visit a little with you during the labor, but be moved to the waiting room when things become more intense. Good luck with everything and I suggest you do whatever feels right!

Absolutely understandable. You are NOT being unreasonable. If they are telling you that it's rude to not let them in the hospital, they are being selfish themselves. This is a 'family event' but it is your experience as a Mom and it is ultimately up to you who you want there. I personally only wanted my husband no matter who lived closely. I guess I wouldn't have minded who was waiting down the hall, but still would have preferred no visitors until I was in my own room and away from the labor and delivery. You cannot predict how things will go for you. They are 5 minutes away and can come up as soon as they get that call if that is what you want! Don't let them pressure you. Also, tell your husband how much you need his support at this time!

You are not being unreasonable at all. This is YOUR body, YOU and YOUR husband's baby. This is a special,wonderful time for you two to experience and share together. No one should take that away from you. Do what you think would be comfortable for you!!! Whatever you do don't back down. You may regret them being there after the fact, but you won't regret them NOT being there. I didn't have anyone there for my first birth and very thankful I didn't. We just had family visit the day we got home. I'm now expecting my second and don't want anyone there again. It was a great experience that my husband and I cherish together. Good luck with everything!

Renee

Hi Erika,

You are not being unreasonable at all. It's all about you and what you want, not about what everyone else wants. Yes it's nice to have the love and support of your family there, but if you don't feel you want them there and keep in mind you will not be at your best, then it's fine to tell them that. We let everyone know before hand that we didn't want anyone at the hospital when we had our twins because there was so much that could go wrong and we didn't want everyone there trying to tell us what to do if that was the case. And things did go wrong with me and not them thankfully, but it was nice to not have to worry about having to run back and forth to tell everyone what was going on and my husband could just be with me. It's not rude, do what you feel is best for you:o)

Good Luck with the new baby