I can understand why you are upset, but in the scheme of things, there are a lot worse things your son could do. Had you gone over with him the proper procedure for when accidents occur? I would review with him what you expect, and if possible, pay for the damages without getting insurance involved; make him for the bill. Good luck!
Your son needs to call you first when there is an incident-period. Unless someone is injured-then call 911 first-they will send the police and ambulance.Evry known entity takes advantage of children. A 16 yr old is a child and I have have 5 kids and known many and have never known one 16 yr old that should be driving-myself included!
I am the mother of a 17 year old son and I think I would definitely take away some driving privileges for awhile. It's not about the accident, but about not telling you about it at all. It's a trust issue and now you are going to have to deal with the headaches with the insurance companies and he should not just keep right on going as if he didn't cause the problem.
i'd be with you, much more upset over the not-telling than the fender bender. if you had already discussed with him the need to do so and he disregarded your instructions i would suspend privileges. if it's something you assumed he would do so didn't discuss (which is perfectly natural.....so often we as adults make assumptions about responsible behavior and forget that teenagers are dingbats) then make this his ONE get of jail free card.
i'm sure you've had that talk now. i'll bet he won't do it again.
khairete
suz
Stay calm, get all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Your son will be watching your reaction. This is a point to show him about honesty and taking responsibility. It's possible that the car was damaged, but it did not appear so at first. Anyway, it's easy to get upset and let emotions rule when you're dealing with all these hot-button issues: teen independence, trust, damage liability, insurance, and money! That's why I say, stay calm, get the facts, and show your son how being honest, respectful and responsible is always the best way. I would also recommend including your son in a conversation with your insurance agent. He will learn from it. I would not be too hard on you son. Make sure that going forward he knows how he should handle these situations.
I think it would be over reacting to give such a harsh punishment for this. I have a son who is currently learning to drive. Since the other man said there was no damage, I don't see why your son would think he needed to tell you. I would just educate him on how to handle the situation next time. If my child threw a ball at a window and it didn't cause damage, I wouldn't punish him for not telling me. But if he broke the window and didn't tall me, that would be another story. Thanks for asking the question; now I know another thing I need to explain to my son.
Should your son have told you about the accident? Yes. Is it not being honest, or lying? No. What it is is a very good learning experience for you and mostly for your son. Sounds like he truly didn't believe there was any reason to say anything to you, thought he was doing the right thing by giving insurance info and most likely, it wasn't even on his mind by the time he saw you.
Hopefully, he is already paying his part for insurance and if this ends up raising it a bit, he'll be paying more. That will simply be a consequence of making a mistake in life. Lesson learned!
Best of luck!
Hello,
I would do whatever you do if he is caught in a lie. Omission of the truth is technically a lie.
This is a good learning experience for him - always take pics of the damage if in an accident. But if there are only scratches on the other car, I don't think you have anything to worry about - deductible would most likely be higher than what it would cost to get it fixed.
I noticed you are from MD. I just moved to MD. The driving age is 16??? I thought most states bumped it up to 18 over the past few years. 16 is so young to be on your own driving (can you tell I am a new parent...lol)
Good luck with everything, and don't stress,
Laurie
Robin M. -
This is obviously a learning experience that Z.Z. will work out with her family. It was an ACCIDENT with very little or no damage .
It is unfortunate that your family did not teach you how to be a responsible, independent young driver, you probably would have developed more confidence about driving and seeing 16 year old legal drivers. I know they look younger now, that just means we are getting older.
My 17 year old daughter got her license right after her 16th birthday and is super responsible with her car. She also knows it is not a right, she has her jobs as well: excell at school, sports and related activities and helping the family.
Love Wendy E's advice about the camera. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad you posted. You reminded me that when my girls are of driving age (we're several years away) that I need to have a conversation with them about always calling a cop to the scene of an accident, and NEVER give your insurance info to someone without a cop present. There are always a few people out there who will screw you (pardon my French). I had a minor fender bender (the other guy's fault - didn't yield) His car had a HUGE amount of damage that the guy was trying to pin on me. It was so obvious to me that my car didn't cause it - besides the fact that the accident was HIS fault. He kept asking me for my insurance info over and over, very persistent. I called the police before giving the guy my info and the cop told me not to give the other driver ANYTHING. I think he knew the other guy was going to try to squeeze money out of me. The other driver finally gave up and drove away. There was no damage to my car, so I didn't pursue it. Anyway, just something for everyone out there to think about. As a teenager I was more trusting, and I don't think it would have occurred to me to withhold my insurance info until the police were there to write up a report. So, I might be a little upset with my teenager for not mentioning it, but I have a feeling it was an innocent mistake. Hope it all works out :)
Because of insurance costs, we did not allow our son to drive to and from school. The school busses were sufficient. During sports season or just when he needed to stay after for extra help, he could take the activity bus home. My insurance doubled when he was added so I cannot afford for it to go up even further with an accident on the record. He did not earn rights to drive until he got a part time job and payed his own insurance. Would I take his keys? NO. Sometimes kids get nervous and just don't know what to do in this situation. Explain to him what needs to happen ALWAYS if he's in a fender bender or whatever. I would also discuss this with the insurance adjuster and ask for guidance. The last thing you need is your premium going up.
I am just reading this post, so I know my response is a little late. In my opinion and this is from experience with a teen ager as well, I don't think your son was intentionally trying to lie or keep this from you. Since the owner of the other vehicle was an adult, your son probably felt like this person was trustworthy and when he "wiped his hand across his car and said there was no damage" your son probably thought this was the end of it.
I am sure if your son had known that the owner was going to contact your insurance company he would have told you. You should definitely talk to your son and let him know that no matter how small an incident is, he should always contact you immediately. Regardless of what the other person says.
As for the the owner contacting your insurance company, I agree with some of the other posts. He needs to be able to prove that your son did damage to his vehicle. And if there was damage, why didn't he call the police at that time. That's normally what people do when their vehicles are hit.
Find out how soon the owner of the other vehicle contacted your insurance company. Had he left from where the incident took place than contacted your insurance company and did he take pictures of the damage while your son was present? All of that has to be taken into consideration.
Investigate this incident as much as you can. Ask your son were there other people around who may have witnessed what took place. If this person's intentions were to file damage claims than the police should have been contacted.
I hope things work out for you.
My vote would be for using it as a teaching opportunity and not a punitive one. It sounds like he thought it was a minor incident and not worthy of telling you. If it happens again and he doesn't tell you, then that would be the time for thinking about taking away the keys.
bottom line, he should have told you about the accident at the time, now because , he didnt tell you the other guy can tell you pretty much tell you whatever he wants to tell you, because the accident was not offically reported. so you may never know for certain what happened. make your son pay for the damages himself, if he has to pay for it himself, he will be alot more careful next time. give him a choice, pay for the damages himself, or get used to walking to school, if you only live a few minutes away, this wont kill him, might put a small dent in his male ego, but wont kill him
karin h.
I want to address this comment,“Your son was also responsible enough to call the insurance on his own…impressive if you asked me!” My son did not call the insurance company. There was nothing in my statement that said he did. The man called our insurance company to file a claim. I spoke to the insurance again today and asked them to come take an estimate of our car and pictures so they can see that our car wouldn’t have caused scrapes. I also found out the other driver’s car was a mercedes benz, so it only confirms my suspicions that this is some uppity jerk who is trying to take advantage of my son.