Disappointed in Career

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1

Hi everyone. A little background of my life before I go into detail. I have been married for almost 7 years. My husband and I have 3 beautiful children, 2 daughters ages 4 and 1 1/2 and 1 son at 5 months old. My last pregnancy was very rough with developing pre-eclampsia at 26 weeks but I managed to deliver him full term at 37. I am 27 years old.

I am writing in regards to my career though. I have done office work involving answering phones, providing customer service to patients and insurance companies via phone and now am currently working as an account specialist (I get to call and yell at the insurance companies for not paying.....heheheh). I have done office work for 8 years now and I'm so tired of it. When I was in grade school, I wanted to be a doctor so bad and that was my plan. As I got into high school all I wanted was to get out. The last thing I wanted was to go back to school another 8 years to get my doctorate. I ended up going to college for Medical Assisting (which isn't what I consider a great major). I only finished 1 semester due to the fact that I ended up getting a full time job that did not allow me to go to school at night. In 2004, the colleges over by me did not offer night time courses, at least in that field. So unfortunately, I never got the chance to finish. My college does offer the classes either online or at night time now, but I do not want my degree in this. I would love to be able to go back to school an get an LPN or RN degree and then eventually working my way up to a Bachelor's in Nursing. Unfortunately, as you can see, with 3 kids (3 very young kids) I do not have the energy nor the time. I do not mind working in an office environment as long as I can get into a medical setting. I really, really want to get into my doctor's office because I love the friendly environment there and I love both the doctor's that work there. The one doctor has been practicing since the 80's and the other doctor has been there 9 years. We just switched to the doctor that has worked there 9 years recently but I just could not believe how great the girls work together. They already have an office manager and a billing manager there, so I don't think they need anyone but I faxed my resume, references and cover letter to the office manager and also mailed my resume, reference and cover letter to the doctor.

Anyways, sorry don't mean to get long winded. I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced this in your life. I mean with my last pregnancy being so bad, we decided not to have any more kids. My sanity nor my body can handle it anymore. I'm now at the point in my life where I want a career. I want to show my kids that this is what they need to do......get a college education. I obviously do not have the time nor the money to get a doctorate. If I go for RN, it will take me years.......and I mean years to finish. Why is it as young adults at 18, we cannot seem to manage to get stuff together on what we would like to be when we grew up? I mean I have ran through this in my head a thousand times and I know that I didn't want to go to school for 8 years but if I would have....I would have been done by now and been a doctor. But who's to say I would have my kids either and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

I'm very disappointed in my decision but I cannot go back in the past to correct. Maybe I just feel this way because I see my doctor who is only 35 years old and has 3 children and I believe 1 more on the way and I'm jealous because she is more accomplished than I will ever be??? I just don't know what to do. I just don't have the time to go back to school unless it's online. I have a school around here that is offering all Administrative Assisting courses online and I can finish in 1 year. But I also would hate to lose 12 months of my life if I end up planning to go back as an LPN or something.

Can someone please give me insight?

Thanks!

2

Just one thought: in 2020 it's going to be 8 years later for all of us whether you have a degree then or not.
Figure out what you most want to do. If that's become a doctor--then DO it.
Think about will work best as a mother of 3 (Some RNs work 16 hr weekends and make comparable salary to a 40 hr pay).
Then focus, focus, focus. We hear everyday about single moms that work FT and go to school FT. You have a spouse. It can be done! Just put your mind to "it".
(I have to say that being so focused on wanting to work for one particular doctor's office seems a little short-sighted. You can't bank on something like that.)

3

Victoria, it is never too late. I completely relate to you. I never went to college because at the time, I just never wanted to sit in school. I was "too smart" for my own good. But not smart enough to realize how important a college education was!

My husband was in a VERY good college, he is a super smart man. He was almost done, in his last year, and left due to change of plans, and going off to do volunteer work for church. STUPID move but at the time it felt right to him. OK, hindsight is 20/20 right? Anyways, so YEARS later, after we had our kids, he decides to change careers, and goes back to school. He went back in January of 2009. He graduated in August of 2010 and is now in grad school and almost through his CPA exams. It has been a big sacrifice for me and him, both financially, paying for school, and most of all time-wise, with me dealing with 3 little kids alot on my own. (9 months, 4 yrs and 5 yrs old). But it is well worth it. He's turning 38 this year.

I have decided once my youngest is in school, I am going to go back to school myself. I work part time from home right now. By that point, my husband will be making more money so I don't absolutely have to work, and I want to get a college degree.

It's going to happen and it is never too late.

Good luck to you!

There are other possible options that could be shorter paths for you but also possibly good jobs. Maybe being a sono tech? Or something like that which would be less school but still along the lines of your interests?

4

There were men and women in my veterinary school class who were older than 27 when they started. There were a number who were older than 31 (assuming you need a 4 year degree) and one man was 40. Many of them had young children (men and women) and at least 4 women in my class had children while they were in school. So if you really really want it, it can be done. Of course it's easier to go to school when that is all you have to do. But it sounds like you are not happy with your job and in a few years, when your kids are in school you will be no further along in a career path if you do not start somewhere.

You also are married, so there is no reason you need to do this alone - perhaps your husband can take some additional financial responsibility for a few years to you can go to school during the day and work part time evenings/weekends/whatever works.

I would be VERY hesitant about online coursework, especially from all these 'schools' like Sanford Brown. You may do better to enroll in a 'real' four year college or at least your local community college.

5

I'm not clear what question you want answered first. What is your short term goal and what is your long term goal? Can you live with your current job or something similar for a few more years until you finish school? Also your kids are so little things may feel different in a year or two. (I have 2 kids and noticed a big difference when the youngest turned 2 and then this year when my youngest turned 3 and the older one went to school all day.) If you know you want to do nursing or even go back for an MD some day why not see about taking the prerequisites like biology or other science classes one at a time (online, at night or whatever works for you). Many times you can take those classes before officially being in a nursing program. Also research the info on nursing programs in your area, find out what is needed to get in. It may be a year, 18 months or longer before you are ready to start with the heavier course load but work back from that so you can be ready. My best friend went back to school in her 30's and it worked out great for her. She had a BA but needed some basic courses and then 2 years full time to get her Physical Therapy Assistant degree. It took 3 years total. Money and time were tight while she was in school but it was doable.

Also, no one can do everything all at once. At 27 I was most of the way through graduate school...but not married and no kids. By the time I worked for a while and got married I ended up having my kids in my later 30's (I'd have rather gotten to that a few years sooner). Now I am trying to get on track to go back to work after 5-6 years home. It is a challenge for most women to balance everything (even if some people seem really together from the outside) so you are not alone in this struggle.

6

You seem to want to get into the medical setting. Do that.

There are many types of positions. You could consider becoming a doctor's assistant, for which people do more doctor-like tasks than nurses do. Or if becoming a nurse, you could consider all of the options for specialization. There is quite a variety.

Try to locate a place that counsels folks for career change. My town has one that caters to women; perhaps Lima has one, too. Find out what options you have in the medical field.

Like another person had said, I recommend you go to your community college, and then transfer as necessary, rather than taking online courses, especially given what you want to do.

Going to school, perhaps full-time, raising three kids and working is a tall order. You sound like you have your heart set on this field, though. Perhaps take one or two classes to start to see if you do want to get back into the classroom. That will allow you to see the workload at school, and what changes to the duties at home will need to occur. Do not think you can do all that you have been doing at home with this new endeavor.

I think you will feel great being able to study something you enjoy. That should give you energy and enthusiasm to be able to keep up with it.

If you feel you can work and take classes, consider getting a position in the medical setting, but if you cannot find one, I wouldn't fret. I suspect that once people get used to you working in a particular capacity, they have a hard time seeing someone working in another one. On the other hand, if indeed they like you, they may make great references for that first job.

As far as going to school now, that's fine. A lot of people switch careers. You won't be alone. Go for it.

7

I would not go back to school for something I was not interested in for the long run.
I agree with the others about going to your local community college. My niece is about your age with 3 children slightly older than yours and disabled husband. She is studying nursing a her local community college, so it is doable.

8

I have several friends MUCH older than you who are in nursing school. Don't give up hope, my husband is in his 30's and is considering doing a full career change to become a nurse anesthetist.... lot's of people in the nursing program are older these days. You are still young and so are your kids. You have plenty of time to finish. Keep in mind, a lot of nursing schools require labs that can only be done on campus. Nursing school is competitive, so taking some pre-reqs online will be okay, but the main area of study really needs to be on campus.

9

1st of all, you are only 27. You still have plenty of time to become a nurse- you could even down the road become a nurse practioner.

Yes, you are tired. I totally understand that, as a mother of 4, but it does get easier. In a few years, your life will be very different than it is now. You won't be quite so tired since you'll be able to sleep through the night.
Wait a while, until it gets easier- then go back to school.

Another option may be a radiology tech? I'm not sure how long you would need to go to school for that, but I don't think it's as long as it takes to become a nurse (I could be wrong about that).

Hang in there!! You can still have a career that you love some day!! =o)

10

I went to college full time when I was in my late 20's with a child and did just fine. I did not work at all. I lived on campus and had financial aid. I made good grades and got some scholarships after my 2 yr. degree was finished.

I think you should enroll in a day time class at a local college or talk to a counselor about income and such to see if financial aid is an option for your income level.

My first year at OSU (Jr. Year) my financial aide and other money I received was almost $25K. My not working allowed me to receive more money and to be able to stop working and totally concentrate on my education.

I think you sound like you would enjoy medical school. By the time you got your BS degree the kiddo's would be in school all day and it would be much easier to go to med school. But in that time until then you may find a field that is new or that you were not aware of before. That is the fun about going to college or University. You get to experience a lot of different classes and meet lots of new people who influence you and help you become the person you are when you finish this part of your life.

I say investigate the options before ruling them out. If you could qualify for FA that money that is left over after paying tuition, fees, and books is a lot of cash that can be spent on paying the house payment a year in advance, the utilities a year in advance, the phone and cable, etc...that is what we all did with our leftover money. It was so fun to walk into a car dealership and lay down cash for a program car. They were less expensive back then a lots of smaller cars were just coming out.

11

As a 27 year old mother of a 6 yr old 4 yr old and 1 yr old I hear ya! I am finally finishing off a degree I started 10 years ago...it is just an associates degree but for me it is a start! One class a semester is what I have taken the last two years just to finish.

I can say this "baby steps" I sometimes get a head of myself and then I feel way overwhelmed. I so want to go back and get a bachlors next. BUT I have three wonderful children that are going to need me home during the summer, when they are sick...etc.

As a child who never got to see her parents because of two working parents I cannot give up this wonderful gift to my kids. It's hard. I can tell you I never ever imagined I would be a SAHM without a degree. I had such dreams and was on a good start to get there.

I read your story and I only think of my doctor (who just quit) so that she could be home with her three children, she is 33 yrs old and could not stand that she never got to see them. She is not sure if she will go back...and if she does she will be so out of the loop.

Sometimes having the kids first and then the career is a better choice. I do know that some day I will be out in the world working but right now my focus is children.

best of luck on your decisions, they are not easy, it is stressful just thinking about them...

12

My best friend decided to go back to school to become a doctor when she was 29. Everyone thought she was crazy, but she knuckled down and actually did it. I remember when she sat for her medical exams she was heavily pregnant with her first child and worried that she might go into labor during the exams. Now she is a very successful pediatrician with 2 children. You can do whatever you set your mind to, regardless of age.

13

I went back to school in a field I love last year... I have one more year to go for my B.S. I am planning on getting at least a masters degree afterwards , but if I can get into a PhD program I will do that (so 3-5 more years after that). In my field there are no jobs unless you have a graduate degree - so when I went back I knew I was in it for the long haul. I am 36.

You are still so young! When I was your age I wasn't even married yet! I would strongly suggest that you try to enjoy your kids' babyhood. Enroll in a local community college and take the prereq's for your intended major online or at night. I did that for 5 years, from before my DD was born to when she was 3. Totally doable.

Very few nursing schools (at least around here) will allow for part time enrollment. Nursing is competitive, they are not lacking students lining up to get in for full time programs. If you went back to school full time the RN would probably be 18 months to two years (that's what it is here, excluding and time needed to take prereqs).
What I did before quitting my job and going back full time is save up a little security cushion (and of course putting DH through school). I wish I had known how stressfull it would be to be a full time student again, I would have waited another year and spent more time with DD... it is WAY more effort than a full time job if you're doing it right! But while I regret having such little time for DD, it is also very rewarding and during school breaks we catch up on mommy/daughter time.

Take some classes, give yourself some time to be a mom and explore what you really want. Take it easy at first and then when you are ready, you will know it.
Good luck.

14

Hi, I'm 37 and this past Wednesday I started nursing school. I really wanted to go to med school, but I knew I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice my family in the process. I have two kids and started taking my pre-req courses when my daughter turned one. I will start full time in the fall when she starts kindergarten. I eventually hope to get my Masters in either nursing or as a physician's assistant.

The whole thing has turned into a much longer process then it would be if I was single, but I think things are working out for the best in the long run.

If you haven't already, I would suggest looking at what programs are offered in your area and see what would be required from you. Talk to others about this, there are a lot of other moms in your shoes. (Feel free to contact me, too, if you'd wish.)

Best of luck no matter what you decide.

15

You can do it, if you really want to. Our biggest obstacles are ourselves. If you are unhappy with your career, then take the steps to change it, no matter how long it takes. You're young.

16

You have to stop this. Write down the pros and cons and where you want to be in 5, 10, 15 years? Look at the long term goal here a career and doing something to help your fellow man/woman.

Many people are in the same boat you are in when they graduate high school. It could be the way the classes are presented or the great push to get everyone to go straight to college. Hindsight is so much greater than foresight.

Make a plan on what you want to do. Figure out how many years it will take and break that down into doable portions. Think of the long term goal and you will get there before you know it.

As you found out, life happens. Don't be jealous of someone's position in life. You can get there with the same hard work it took them to get there. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and I am 64. There are several classes I want to take at work (a university) and trying to fit them into my work/life schedule is challenging. Hubby is retired and is on chemo so I have to try to figure out work schedule (with boss's permission) and hubby's schedule (chemo) and what I want to do. You have a lot more energy than I to do it all. Plus I am making kids clothes for a boutique and special order (mini military uniforms).

What's that saying, "If there is a will, there is a way." Life is a journey not a contest. Enjoy the curves and detours. You may find yourself with one of those detours. I have.

The other

PS Follow your heart.

17

I'm really late to the game on this one, I just had my 5th baby. I have a degree, but from what you've said I haven't accomplished anything, I don't work, not in the way you mean.

I'm not trying to be nasty, and honestly I don't feel judged, i'm just trying to illustrate a point. Looking at other people and thinking how they are more accomplished than you isn't going to get you anywhere.

Obviously a career matters to you, but what else matters? I'd love to appear to be that mom that can work and still do it all. But I'd rather have a quiet cup of coffee in the morning, than do my hair. I'd rather sit awake for almost an hour several times a night to nurse my son, and think about how lucky I am and how wonderful he is, than worry about going to work after a sleepless night. My clothes don't always match, i've been known to go to the store with spit up on my shoulder and wearing flip flops in the snow, it isn't that other mom's or other women are better than me because of that. It simply says that we have different priorities.

I've homeschooled my kids, protected them,cared for them, been there for their activities, taught them to read and write. Ran a house and created these 5 wonderful, special people. I'm accomplished! Own who you are, rather than comparing yourself to others and dwelling on the things you are not.

A degree is nothing but a piece of paper, what you do every day being a mom, and a wife and YOU, impacts everyone you come into contact with.