My 15 year old daughter will turn 16 next month. Some of her friends drive, so she can now stay out late if she wants to and we allow her to. So far we haven't had any real problems with her, and she is a good kid. However, she's not a perfect kid either! So here's where I need advice. Last night she came home from church with 2 girlfriends after spending the evening watching children while one of the mothers led a meeting for the childrens' parents. One of her friends is 15 and the other is 17. The 17 year old is a senior in high school, and drives.
At about 10 pm, my daughter came down and asked her dad and I if the 3 of them could see a movie. We told her no, because it would be too late by the time the movie got out. So then she asked if they could go out to Steak and Shake to get something to eat. We told her that was okay, but that she had to be home by 11:30. That got me to thinking about what a good curfew is for a 15 or 16 year old girl. Of course, I haven't been that age for a loooong time, but my curfew was 11 pm on weekends, but I don't know what would be appropriate these days? What do you moms with 15 and 16 year olds have their curfew?
Curfew at our house is 10pm. Our reasoning is partly because I feel obligated to stay up and make sure everyone gets in ok... And I don't want to be up all night! :) Also, I don't think anything good comes from a group of tired and unsupervised teens hanging out once it gets dark outside. LOL That being said, if there is something specific like a concert, movie, supervised party, even organized night games, we will revise the curfew.
I second what Bonnie said. 10 was my curfew and if I was late it was 10 during the next dance, school activity. If that was missed I didnt attend the next function. Needless to say that I was late only 1 time! Though I think 10 it too late on school nights. However my oldest is 7 and I pretty control where she is.
My curfew when I was a kid would always vary. (I can't go by my own kids because they're 4 years and 8 months!) If I wanted to go see a late movie, I could go but I had to be back when the movie was over AND I had to show them my ticket stub. It's not hard for a parent to find out when the show starts and ends before they even leave. I had a set curfew which was 12 after I turned 16. And to be honest, we usually just drove around and talked, laughed and enjoyed being kids, or we'd stop somewhere and eat, talk, laugh and enjoy being kids. If you believe she's a fairly good kid ;) then trust your gut when it comes to certian things. If she asks to do something and you say no but then she's persistant in a way that isn't normal for her - say NO. When I would beg and plead and cry to get to go somewhere, it was because I was doing something I shouldn't have been. (dating older boys) That's my two cents. :) Good luck. I gave my mom hell those years. Hopefully yours treats you nicer!
Jamie
my son is only 1, but when i was growing up (i'm now 30) i didn't have a set curfew. it just depended on what i was doing. but usually i would have to be home around midnight. however the summer before my senior year (i had just turned 17) i worked at papa johns 6-7 days a week almost always closing and wouldn't get home until 3 or later some nights. I was a pretty good kid... no kid is perfect. So I agree with others that if you trust your daughter's past behavior you could be a little more lenient with her curfew.
I would be more concerned with her being in the car with other teenage drivers. The have change the laws on driving for teen drivers and they are not allowed to drive more than one other kid unless an adult is present in the car. My parents were really strick and I was never allowed out after 11:00 (untill 18) unless a responsible adulte was present.
First, I would be concerned with her riding around with teenagers in a car. I'm not sure what the laws are now these days...but I know they are more strict then they were before. I would educated myself on what those laws are and make SURE that my duaghters friends are following them.
Second, it really doesn't matter if the rules are "different" today then they were when you were a kid. You are the parent. If you make the rule, then that is what it is for today. Don't go down that path of "well ... all her friends get to do such and such". That leads to trouble. There are a bunch of parents in this world who just really don't care. They don't pay attention to what friends their kids have, where they do, or what they are doing. These are the kids (some straight A students mind you) who are having sex at 14, doing drugs, and basically make bad choices. It was that way when I was in highschool...and it hasn't changed. My dad has been a high school counselor for 35 years. He still sees the same stuff every single year. And it's the parents who forget they are parents and try to be friends that have the kids with the biggest issues. And like I said.... on they can be straight A students and "appear" good.
Talk with your husband. Then the two of you talk with your daughter. Come to this decision together. Personally ... I think 10pm is late enough for a high school student. But, the three of you need to discuss your concerns and wishes openly with eachother... keeping in mind... you and your husband have the final say as the parents.
Beware!!! I'm sure your daughter hasn't given you any reason NOT to trust her, but asking to go to the movies was at least my oldest trick in the book! That's a long time to visit with your boyfriend, or go to a party or something. I'm 32 now, but still remember the sneaky stuff I did. I've been with my husband since I was 13. (rare I know) So not sure if she has a boyfriend or not, but even hanging out with the older crowd, she's going to want to do what they are doing. I'd stick with curfew. You can't show her at 15 that you're softening the rules.
Some communities have curfew laws. Find out if yours has one because one of these days she may call you from the police station for being out after curfew. Start with that.My son is 16 and his is midnight. My 14 year old daughter we haven't had to do that with yet but I would imagine it would be 10 or 11 on the weekend dependent on what they were doing. Just make sure your's is not later than curfew.
I use the state driving curfew laws - a 16 yr old driver has to be off the roads by 11 pm in the state of Ohio. Unless coming home from work or a school function. It takes all the emotion out of the curfew at home - the law is the law.... It works well for me - I have boys and there is never any discussion about what time to be home.
These days are the same as when you were 15/16 and by that I mean you were 15/16. I think 11:00pm is a good curfew time,there will be special occasions that you might want extend her curfew. Kids are kids and no matter what time we live in they still need bounderies.
Well, I know in my area the curfew is 12:00, I believe if you are under 17. That is the law. I think, unless they have a specific activity 12:00 is a reasonable curfew.
Usually, each city has a curfew in place. Call city hall and ask them what the curfews are. That will give you a basis to go by. In this day and age, I really think 11 pm is plenty enough time. Good luck and keep us posted.
Hi Mary I am happy that I don't have children at home now because there is so much more kids do than when our 3 were growing up. Our kids were 18,10,7 so there was 'time' between them to be at a different times as things kept progressing on disicipline. We never had any problems then but I see and read so many things happening now and I don't know if it is because of more open talking but it scares me. I really think it is up to the parents to stand their ground but as I said times have changed. Good luck you will need it.
My husband and I are in the same boat now. Only we have 2 older boys - college and grad school. We allow her to socialize 1 night of the weekend and her curfew is 11:00. There are allowances for exceptions but we found it made it easier with the boys if we had a set time. I can tell you this - girls are a whole different ballgame. Our daughter is a good kid too but we don't trust her completely. And it's scary when you think of all the different consequences. Don't worry about being too strict. You can always loosen up as she shows her responsibility but you'll have a battle on your hands if you start out letting her do too much and then have to tighten the reigns.
Good luck!
We used 10 on weeknights and 12 on weekends. It worked for us. Many local governments have a curfew in place.
Where this falls apart is when they have a job outside of the home. We did some revision for specific things. My son worked at a Subway for a while, they closed at 10 PM and had to do clean-up and they didn't generally get out of the shop until close to 10:30. My daughter started babysitting for a neighbor who was a nurse two nights a week and the nurse didn't get home until 11:15 most nights and another neighbor who bowled on the 9 PM league and her husband worked until 11 PM and didn't get home until 11:45 or midnight 1 night a week.
They have revised the laws about teenage drivers and I wonder what they are in your area. You might want to check. I can understand her desire to go to a movie with friends on a weekend after "work" at the last minute, but I don't think I would have let her go.
Good luck, it is really trying to be a good parent and raise responsible people.
When my son was 16 I let him stay out to 12 because that was my curfew growing up. If he wanted to stay longer at a friends house and play video games he would call me early on and ask to stay later.
At 15 ur daughter had a curfew of 10pm on the weekend. If she found she was going to be later then 10 she had to call us. We moved it up to 11 at 16. My husband and I think that things going on after 11pm generally are not too good, things start getting out of hand. 11pm really worked for us, she is still using that time and she is 18. Again, she does call once in awhile and ask if she can stay out later, usually that is not a problem for us. We just want to know that she is safe.
As my cousin, the cop, says "Only criminals are out after midnight." However, That doesn't mean the 'fun' has to stop. Let your daughter have friends over to watch movies at your house. At least if she is home you can keep a closer eye on her and her friends.
that is such a hard age. your daughter has friends that drive just like my daughter did. I gave her a curfew of 10 during school nights and 12 on friday and sat. just in case that late movie. give her a little room and trust your daughter (you raised her right) if she does something that gives you worry then change things and always talk to her abut everything, everyday