Hello Moms!!! I have not logged in in such a LONG time,... I miss you guys Thanks for always being here ......
Any How...
I am a mom of tween & a toddler (both girls), & JUST found out we are expecting again:)... My question is more about how & when to share the news. Just to fill you in ...
I am from a smaller family & my hubby is the oldest of 6 and all but 2 have children of their own.
When my now youngest was born she ended up taking the "baby" position from someone right...? ok So that cute little baby that she" kicked out of the nest" is My hubby's sister's youngest boy he was 9 months old ( he is the youngest of her three kids all boys)
So when she got pregnant 9 months ago it was always joked that it was only fair that she got to kick mine out of the baby position in the family :) Sooooo She is due to have her GIRL!!!! any day now!!! Congrats sis in law!!!
also*
Her & I had an unrelated falling out awhile back about some drama ( but that has at least blown over & we are back on speaking terms at least)
So back to my question...
My hubby is ecstatic about our freshly peed on stick & wants to tell EVERYONE right now... no waiting til 10 or 12 weeks he wants to brag :) ( I love him :) ... ) However I feel because his sister is finally getting her girl & is enjoying having the joke of "kicking Aurora out of the nest" ... & us being back on talking terms that do not disrupt family visits.... My opinion is...We should wait & let her have her moment, the baby and the newborn stage before we let her know that when her baby is 9 months old again we will be having another baby...
He does not agree , & is not worried about her feelings as much. probably due to the fact that the dispute we had was never brought up again... we disagreed she got mad called names we fought and did not talk for 6 months & then one day she just started talking to me again like nothing ever happened.... because we are involved in a big family I did not push it. & just went with for the sake of family & I just know better now & can prevent the past from repeating itself & I will just never be as close with her as I once was. Hubby want an apology from her .... (not going to happen)
so where do I go now? Do what I feel is the nice thing to do ( not to mention its pretty normal to at least wait until you hear the heartbeat to announce it) hmmmm mamapedia to talk to other moms :P lol
I'd wait 12 weeks before announcing ANY pregnancy, under ANY circumstances.
Congrats & good luck!
(Announcing it isn't going to change the chronological order of what WILL BE reality. Let her have her moment.)
Although I do think she needs to grow up (perhaps coming and just talking to you one day signaled that), I do think that it would be nice for you to give her a moment to shine. She is due any day - wait out your 12 weeks and let he have her moment. After all, it's your third.
Go tell a few close friends who won't tell your secret.
Hold off - it's really the nice thing to do. Especially since there is a past.
Oh man, I can see both points of view. As far as kicking out of the nest, I have never heard of that, but I can see a big family kidding over that kind of thing. You want her to have time in that spot light. That would be fine and you have a few weeks to be a bit more sure of your preg status.
On the other hand, who cares? You are walking on eggshells around this girl and you never know when she is going to flip. I can't live like that.
As my mom used to say...if you get mad, you will get glad again.
Honestly, it would not even occur to me that someone might be jealous that someone else had the baby in the family. If she feels that strongly about it she can have another. Really, who cares:).
Also, as someone who has experienced pregnancy loss, I would wait 12 wks before sharing the news but that is just me.
And, I would tell her FIRST. That way, she won't feel blindsided by hearing it from someone else, and might even feel honored that she was the first in the family to know.
You need to at least wait until she has the baby, and preferably a few weeks after. Drama or not, I think this is the kind thing to do. Allow her to have center stage when she has this baby for a little while.
You are NOT responsible for her reaction. She's an adult and if she feels slighted somehow for not having the youngest baby, she needs to work on herself.
Tell her at 12 weeks. And everyone else. I think it's SO neat that your child will have a cousin so close in age! Pitch it to her in that way, and say NOTHING about the "baby" joke. I think it's stupid to behave as if there's something better about the youngest child anyhow. They're children, not competition.
I would wait and let her enjoy her moment while it lasts.
My thoughts... if you tell her right now, then you are already kicking her soon to be born baby out of the nest which will bruise her ego and probably won't be a positive experience, possibly putting you 2 back at odds against each other again (maybe worse).
My point of view (for what it is worth) would be if you tell her now... you are just being mean because it looks like you are trying to one up her and not allow her to have her moment.
Wait until you are far enough along and then make your announcement.
The whole 'baby' of the family being the cutest and most special sits uncomfortably with me. Why not forget about all that and just act like all the children are in the nest at once?
My SIL had the first grandbaby on my husband's side. They had 5 years of having the only grandbaby in the family.
Finally, my husband and I were pregnant, yay! We were 3 months along and enjoying the moment for sure. Then comes along SIL who just found out she was barely 7 weeks pregnant, not even showing, and she kicked me off my throne to announce her second pregnancy. From then on I had to share the limelight.
sigh ;)
The upside is that the kids, both girls, are close in age and close in heart.
My vote would be to announce it after the first trimester. I think that's very reasonable.
What a childish game to play with family. Who cares who the baby of the family is? My grandparents have 27 grandchildren. Their 27th was no more or less precious than their first, who was 45 years older than him.
Announce it, lavish attention on her newborn, and get over it.
Husband's family-- let him lead. Stop treating touchy SIL with kid gloves. Seriously-- if she needs to participate in the one-upsmanship of having the latest and greatest baby, she seriously needs to get over HER problem. Personally, I would wait the 12 weeks before announcing, but not everyone is up for that.
In short, this is NOT your problem. Let your husband do the announcing and enjoy it. Don't take this away from his because his sister might get into a tizzy.
I would give it at least a few weeks. I'm gunshy about annoucing pregnancies because I had an early miscarriage. If one party wants to wait (especially the wife) then that should trump the other party who wants to shout. He can get his shouting to the world on in a few weeks. I think the whole "baby of the family" thing is a tad silly but I also see no harm in letting her have her moment.
I, personally, waited to tell anyone about my pregnancies because I'd had problems and miscarriages. NOT to say that will happen to you, but I wouldn't mention anything just yet.
I also don't understand the "baby" position especially when a family is so blessed with babies. It should never be a competition over blessings.
I would wait, not for your sister-in-law's sake, but for your own, just to make sure everything is okay with your own baby.
I would wait, she is due any day now so what would it hurt to give her the lime light for a couple of months. Here is where you have to be VERY CAREFUL, if you decide to wait, you have to wait to tell everyone. Since you are already on eggshells, his family learning from someone other than you guys that you are expecting again could only cause further drama.
I think you are being very considerate. She may or may not appreciate it but I think you have the right idea and being nice won't hurt anything.
My gut is with you. Try to hold off for a little while. Let Sis have her day in the sun. She may become jealous anyway but she also may appreciate your effort, which can only be good for the family.