Hi. I’m married and have two school aged children and have been working part-time for my employer for the past 6 years. An acquaintance of mine, who is also a mom of two school aged children, lost her full-time job and I helped her to get a part-time job at our company - the same position as mine. So it’s basically like we are splitting one full time job between the two of us. I told her this job is great for a working mom because of a flexible schedule and ability to take time off (even thought it’s unpaid). I honestly thought she was going to work at our company for some time before she find another full-time job with benefits.
Right after she got the job, she told me she and her husband got divorced and “now I need to work more so I’ll ask the boss for more work.” The thing is her husband left her everything as he felt guilty and is also paying child support (he has a well paid job). I suspect she also knew she was going to divorce him before she got this job.
She also said something along the lines: “you wouldn’t last a day in my old job,” which is ridiculous. She also talks about how great she is etc etc in front of my boss. She only texts me or calls me when she needs something. She says she likes the job and my boss a lot. She asks me about what projects exactly I’m working on. She literally never takes any time off and when I am on vacation she partially covers for me but I’m always worried about her wanting to get some of my job or wanting me to leave so she can have a full-time job. I am currently making significantly more than her so I worry that my employer will also have some financial incentive to her more work in the future. She turned out to be hyper competitive and I think the divorce made her unpleasant too.
I feel like even a thought of her makes me stressed to a point where I want to avoid seeing her, which is possible because we have alternating schedules. My boss likes me a lot and he told me to relax and not worry about it when I brought up her covering for me and told him that I wanted to make sure I’ll get back to what I was doing when I return from vacation and she doesn’t just take over.
Throwing my hat in the ring here! This sounds like a tough situation, and I get why it’s stressing you out. The most important thing is to focus on your work and the good relationship you already have with your boss—he’s reassured you, so trust that for now.
Set boundaries with her. Keep things professional and don’t share more about your projects than you need to. If she covers for you on vacation, just make sure things go back to normal when you’re back—maybe mention it casually to your boss to stay on the same page.
Try not to get caught up in her competitiveness. Comments like “you wouldn’t last a day in my old job” aren’t worth your energy. Focus on doing your best and documenting your work so your value is clear.
Finally, just be prepared for any changes, but don’t stress too much about things that haven’t happened. You’ve done nothing wrong, and you’ve already proven yourself in your role. You’ve got this!
First, I want to commend you for your generosity in helping your acquaintance secure this job. It shows your kindness and willingness to support others, which is admirable. However, I completely understand how this situation has become stressful and complex, especially when it feels like someone may not share the same values of collaboration and mutual respect.
Here are some proactive steps IMO to address your concerns while maintaining professionalism and protecting your role:
Focus on Your Value:
Take a moment to reflect on your contributions to your workplace. Document the projects you’ve completed, the skills you bring, and the ways you go above and beyond in your role. If possible, gather feedback from your boss or colleagues. This helps boost your confidence and gives you a clear picture of the unique value you add to your company.
Communicate with Your Boss:
Since your boss already seems supportive and appreciates you, consider scheduling a meeting to discuss your concerns in a constructive way. Frame the conversation around your commitment to the company and your role. For example:
“I’m really committed to excelling in my role and continuing to contribute to our team. I just want to ensure that my position and responsibilities remain clear and consistent moving forward.”
Set Boundaries with Your Colleague:
While it’s great to be collaborative, it’s important to establish boundaries. If she asks about your projects, you can politely redirect:
“Oh, I’m focusing on what’s currently on my plate. You might want to check with [boss’s name] about what other opportunities there are.” This keeps the conversation professional and avoids giving away unnecessary details about your work.
Develop a Growth Plan for Yourself:
Proactively think about your career goals within this company. Are there additional responsibilities or skills you’d like to take on? If so, communicate your ambitions to your boss during a one-on-one. This will demonstrate your dedication to growing with the company.
Protect Your Well-being:
It’s natural to feel stressed in this situation, but try to separate her behavior from your sense of peace. Limit unnecessary contact, focus on your own goals, and remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.
Stay Professional:
If she makes competitive or negative comments, maintain your composure. A simple response like, “I’m focused on doing my best here, and I’m sure you are too,” can subtly signal that you’re not engaging in rivalry.
Remember, you have the power to shape your narrative at work. Sorry this was so long!
JakeAtGetIt - Thank you so much for your great advice! I agree with you that those comments are not worth my energy and I should not get caught up in her competitiveness! I’m going to concentrate on my own career growth and career path. Thanks again!
Thank you so much, Lisa! This is great! I felt so caught up in this that it was hard for me to see clearly what I should do! Your advice is so valuable. I appreciate you taking time to think about the situation and share your thoughts with me!
I’m just here to echo what LisaJM1 said - what a great list. Please be reassured by your boss, and remember that this other worker is his responsibility. It’s good that you raised the issue with him, but that’s done, and now you should focus on your work, your WORTH, and your value to the company. Your coworker should get direction from the boss, not you, and your tasks should, ideally, be divided rather than both of you working on everything.
If you go on vacation, give your boss a list of what you’ve done and what the status is of upcoming projects. It’s not up to you to make sure your coworker does anything at all, although I know you are loyal to the job but you have to take care of yourself.
Don’t presume that your employer would have incentive to hire her at a lower rate. Your boss would look a lot worse if he gave preference to someone who keeps stating her value to him instead of showing him with her competence.
What I think you need to do is distance yourself from her. Whether she has money from her divorce isn’t relevant - people need to be paid commensurate with ability and responsibility. The “I need the money” rationale for raises was the justification for paying men more than women for decades - “men have families to support” and all that. We fought that battle and still are.
The fact that you got her this job is irrelevant. You referred her, but someone else hired her. Ignore her taunts and her statements putting you down which are just designed to boost her own insecurity about herself. Maybe her ex denigrated her, maybe she does it for another reason. But she’s not your responsibility, and neither are her mistakes or low output.
“You don’t have to go to every fight you’re invited to” is a great saying a friend of mine uses a lot. Your “friend” can bait you, but you don’t have to swallow it. I really think that what Lisa wrote in #3 and #5 are vital.
You have already received some great advice. I agree with Lisa about how kind of you it was to offer a position to this fellow mom in her time of need. Not many people do that, either out of fear of them taking their own job, or worrying that the recommendation/endorsement will backfire if this person ends up being irresponsible or unprofessional. You have been at this job for 6 years and it is clear that your boss appreciates you and the quality of your work, so I would trust him when he says you can relax. I think you should have enough of a relationship at this point that if he felt you were taking too much time off or your work isn’t up to par or any other issue with you, he’d say something. It seems there’s plenty of work for you both to stay.
Seems to me she is eager to prove herself or is insecure about her status in the company since she just got there. I would ignore her pettiness. My advice is to distance yourself from her. When she starts with the comments about you being unable to last a day in her old job, smile, cut her off and tell her you have a lot of work waiting for you and walk away. If you have a door, close it and play some relaxing music while you work. If she asks what you’re working on, be vague and tell her you have a lot of different things you’re working on, or to ask the boss if there’s something else she can handle if what she is trying to do is take some of your workload. She’s not your manager so you don’t owe her a status update on your current tasks. Whenever she calls or texts, don’t be very responsive, or pick and choose what you want to respond to, in your own time.
We have some older ladies here at my job who like to gossip and start drama. I close my door, tell them I am very busy and go back to my screen. If they continue talking, I will not take my eyes off the monitor and just say “uh-huh” until they get the message that I am not interested in engaging. Luckily, there are some nice, trustworthy people here too, so I turn to those. If people focused on themselves and their own work instead of drama or what others are doing, they’d be a heck of a lot more productive, and likeable. We spend more time at work than with our own families during the week in a lot of cases. It’s sad that there should be this animosity or competitiveness instead of everyone trying to work as a team for the greater good of the employer and all the employees. Keep focusing on continuing to do a great job, but I feel you have nothing to worry about, and thank goodness you don’t have overlapping schedules so avoiding her should not be too hard!