Almost 6-year-old Wants a Nintendo DS or a Wii

My almost 6-year-old has been pleading for a Nintendo DS or the Wii, like all his cousins and some of his friends have. My mother-in-law really wants to get him one for his upcoming birthday, but my husband and I are not sure we want him to have one. We're concerned that even if we restrict his usage of it, it will be addictive and he will be less interested in his usual activities --- reading, art, t-ball, scooter riding, music, imaginative play, etc. He's the usual energetic kind of boy but we love that he has a creative and imaginative side. We're worried that a Nintendo DS or the Wii will have a negative effect on him. I'd love to hear both sides of this issue from any of you moms. Oh, btw he does have a LEAPSTER and enjoys it but at least that's educational! Thanks so much!

My son is now 26, and a delightful young man. When he was young, we had a Nintendo sytem. I played Mario Brothers with him and some other games. We had a lot of fun together, sharing something he enjoyed. Because he would have watched too much TV, we restricted all of our kids use of the TV to weekends, and the rest of the time was for general play, art, music, etc. Since use of the Nintendo or Wii requires turning on the TV, this was restricted as well. My son is now a delightful, funny, smart, easy going Physics Engineer. I am very proud of him. I think you can monitor your child's use of the Nintendo or Wii system, and enjoy playing along side him. And, you can be assured that your child can also turn out to be a smart and wonderful person.

If you question it so much and your gut says don't get it, go with your gut!!!!!! I have three 5,7,and 4 and they all have wonderful imaginations!!!!They dance, sew, and are very creative!! My son has even created a "Fairy tale story about Aliens back in September that he still plays and is constantly adding plots and characters to;he's five. My oldest expressed that she wanted a Wii as well, "Come on. everyone has one!" she said. I won't give in and didn't even have to think about my answer! Imagination is the best, "Wii" and "Nintendo" one could ever have! And it's free!

I have an 11 yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter and they have never had either of those....everyone always remarks on how easily they entertain themselves.Your fears are well founded....we have wonderful kids all around us and we can tell the difference when they are allowed access to media.There are many many articles on the subject. Paula

Amy,

I would go with your gut reaction. It sounds like you feel really strongly about it's negative effect. I would listen to yourself. My opinion is that 6 years old is way to young for video games etc. Kids are so impressionable and you said your son is creative-- I would continue encouraging him to be creative. There will be lots of time in his future for playing it at friends or family's houses. But he is so young-- I wouldn't get him one.

Molly

I just have to tell you a note here. we didn't buy our son one. H ewanted on for christmas I didnt get one for him because I thought he was too young. But all he wanted was a wii. So in the middle of jan we broke down and got him one. The biggest mistake I can make. That all he wants to do is that. he willplay 7 hours if you let him. I had to limited it. Now he is ony allowd to paly on weekend maybe 2 hours. He would not want to go to school. He tried to get sent home. all he wanted to do is be home with teh wii. he will not go to the park and do normal things. it was the worst thing I could buy for 5 years old. he also has mastered games for 10 year old. If you do buy it limit the time to maybe 1 hour a night. it is very hard to get him off of it. lots of behavior probelms with with. lay your ground rules prior and stick to them. My son is only 5 almost 6 as well.

Here is my thoughts and experience. My son has been growing up with his peers around him having these types of games from a young age. I'd say around 5 and 6 is when they started getting them. We didn't want one in the house because I sensed how consuming they are for little boys by the way other boys would talk about them all the time and the occasional boy who didn't seem to know how to function with out it( use imagination, pretend play, focus on anything for more then 5 minutes). So we allowed him to play at friends houses ( you really can't stop it), and said maybe when your 10 or 12 you can have one because we want you to develope your mind and have a good imagination and know how to not play it to much. Well this Christmas a family member sent a wii for Christmas much to our surprise. My son is now 9, daughter 12. We let them have it( we considered putting it away). I am so so glad that we never bought one early on. While my son is more mature now he could still be easily obsessed even still. It is hard to keep control of because they have so much fun that you feel like a bad guy taking away their fun. If he was younger he might think I was being a meany! But because he is older he fully understands and respect my authority and even tries to be self monitering. Over the last several years he noticed how some friends lost themselves in the games and really appreciated the friends who could play playmobile with him( My personal all time favorite toys). So I say absolutey wait as long as you can. My children were thriving with out it and I like who they are. It is just one more thing for me to have to monitor and I try not to have to many "no's" in my house. If you havn't started playmobile I highly recommend it. Hands down it is the toy that gets played with for years,( Maybe not if you had a wii in the house). My daughter got her first set when she turned 7 from someone. I never thought we would buy it because it is expensive but we have aquired a huge collection. how many toys can you say get played with for 5 years and counting. My children ,ages 3,9 and 12 all play with it together for hours and their friends.Boys and girls. Now thats bang for your buck. best wishes, Rina

Yes Amy you are right to be concerned. If you allow one at his age and try to redtrict usage you will have a fit throwing otherwise calm little boy. It is most important now to make school and his homework rime a routine. It is very addicting as evidenced by grown men sleeping outside of stores to be the first ones to get a new game and children are getting less and less active not wanting to go outside. When my son wanted one the answer was no and we got a gameboy for my daughter when she was 11 with only 2 games. We have just recently bought the Wii but she doesn't know it and we will have only the Wii fit and interactive sport game to keep an active life and for family time. She is soon to be 15 yrs old ans has always been able to self entertain and gets mostly all As in school. She has liked reading and writing stories since she was 5.

I have a nine yo girl, eight yo girl, and a six yo boy. They all got one last year and I wish they were never invented!! My nine year old doesn't play with hers much thankfully. My eight yo picks hers up every few days and plays for about an hour. My just-turned six year old boy got one for Christmas (darn that Santa) and that's all he wants to do. He wakes up gets dressed and plays his DS waiting for breakfast. He brushes his teeth and hair and plays his DS waiting for us to leave for school. He comes home from school and plays his DS until his sisters get home. We do homework, then he plays his DS until dinner time. After dinner he plays his DS until we have to get ready to go to bed. He is addicted and throws a fit when I say "enough DS, do something else". I pride myself on saying that my kids don't watch TV except for cartoons on the weekends our TV is never on. Well it seems ridiculous now for me to say it because my kids sometimes bury themselves in their DS's for hours at a time. They don't hear you when you are talking to them. It is consuming their mind and they tune everything out. We don't have any other game systems so this is their electronic stimulation. I am doing some spring cleaning and got rid of so many of my son's toys. He asked what I was doing, I said you don't play with these anymore only your DS so we are getting rid of them. He didn't care. He turned around, sat down, and started playing his DS that was in his hand. He carries it everywhere. You have to make your decision with your child and monitor the usage, but in hindsight, I would have catapulted Santa right back up the chimney and told him to pick another toy from the sack!!

I would go for a delayed gratification avenue. Tell him he has to wait until he is seven (or eight) to have that toy. Then I would suggest the Wii and make it a family game for family game night only. I've played the Wii with friends who have it at their home and it is fun, physical and interactive.

When my son "graduated" from preschool I bought him a gameboy and told him it was a big boy toy with big boy responsibilities. The only rule was the one I continue to use now that he has a nintenedo (He will be 8 in July.) That rule is that if he cannot turn it off when I ask and cannot have a conversation or leave it at home sometimes, then I will start restricting its usage. Our neighbors have a wii and my son goes over there to play. I don't know what their rules of play are. He insisted he had to have one too so I suggested he put all of his toys together and when he had enough money to buy his wii then we would do that. He threw a fit for a few hours then in the morning decided my original idea of playing with the neighbors was actually a nice compromise - "he could still have all of his great toys at home to play with and also be able to play wii with his friends. We recently went to a great 8 year old birthday party where there was unrestricted play on wii, nintendos and playstations for 3 hours straight. It was great! The best part was the active games they had for the wii. I told my son that if we had a wii that's how we would use it. All the other games are for one and use a screen and no muscles but your thumbs! I had thought that the wii was invented to get kids active and involve families together doing lightly competitive activities and laughing together. These particular games were like that and if I got a wii that is how I would choose to use it. Am I opinionated or what?! Good luck with your own decision. I just remembered one more thing that was helpful when he got his first nintendo (when he turned 7). I bought him his first watch at the same time and had him monitor his own time. He had a 15 minute limit each time he played and took alot of pride int he fact that he also knew how to tell time. Gretchen

It's a hard call. Both of my boys, now 28 and 29, were hooked on Atari and then the regular old fashioned Nintendo. Hooked meaning they loved it! I only let them play when I knew there wasn't something better to do. They both loved reading, and were involved in sports. There were lots of kids to play with in the neighborhood, so on nice days they were outside. I see nothing wrong with the electronics (except for violence filled games, they were not allowed period!), we are an electronic based society and I do believe it builds skills in them that they will need as adults in this high tech world. It's totally up to you to not let them become zombies. Both of my sons are now working as networking technicians for the defense department and are making excellent livings. My granddaughter (8 mos old) is already facinated by her mommy's laptop. It's the way of the world. Just like anything and everything pleasurable, MODERATION is the key.

We fetl the same way & ehld off getting nay of htose until my husband bought a Wii a fwe months ago w/hsi b-day money. We have restrictions: 1/2 per week day when homework is done & then an hour on weekends. And when he misbehaves, Wii time is gone. So far, this is working out fine. We have & will continue to hold off on the hand-held one l ike GameBoys & Nintendos DS'. What we did buy him at 5 was a Leapster game & this past X-Mas, he got the more mature version; Didj. What we liked about both of these is that all games are educational. They both have games w/current TV & movie characters but all have some learning aspect to them. He has Star Wars the Clone Wars for his Didj but, again, it's educational. Best of Luck!

Hold off as long as you can! I too have a 6 yo son, and I have not given him any electronics with the exception of access to the computer and Disney.com. There are some social reasons to give him the game and some reasons not too. The most important thing I think we can teach our children is how to have relationships. Relationships that are respectful and courteous and deeply caring. My personal belief is that too many children are over-indulged and don't understand delayed gratification and don't understand that these games are not real. The pathways in the brain are still developing, and all of that stimulation from the games are reinforcing pathways that are immediate, impulsive and aggressive. I don't know how you're son is so I can't say for you, but my son is naturally aggressive and I have to tone it down. I good measuring stick would be how he does with cartoons that are stimulating - does he get more aggressive or try to act out that stuff? If it is not a problem, than use the previous advice about moderation and limits and he should be fine. The problem that we get into is when we allow video games to substitute for quality time with our kids.

I am holding off as long as I can! I don't want to spend the money on the main console, and then buy games all the time b/c they are not cheap.

Good luck!

Maggi

You've received a lot of great advice and insight herre. You also seem to have a strong instinct that this isn't a good idea for him right now. Don't succumb to the pressure from relatives. I can understand how they want to give such a "big" gift. Maybe ask them instead to help pay for outdoor camp, scouting activities, involvement in sports, and if they do, really talk it up so they get the validation they seem to need in giving such a gift. Also, food for thought for when we are grandparents, aunts, etc....My daughter has an Aunt who will outdo Santa at Christmas and gives her by far the most and most expensive gifts. Is she her favorite relative? Not really. The relatives who play with her are. These relatives also realize you can give a child a big box, cool rock, old decoritive button, handme down toys cousins cherished, Even overalls from Salvation Army that are the same as her Aunties wear....all these gifts will be just as much appreciated (or more) than the latest craze. Take care and All the best! Tori (sorry for the poor grammar, slow brain this morning)

My 3 year old son loves playing on the computer (noggin.com/playhousedisney.com) and has a hand held v-tech. My 2 nephews, 10 and 7 have had gameboys, nintendo ds and the Wii. Yes they love to play any and all games. The exception is when there are other things to do. In this day and age, with electronics such a main-stream focus, he should have one and know how to play. He should be learning the computer etc. When it is nice outside or there are other things to do , the kids want to do that. When they are bored and it is raining outside it is a good and also, nice way for them to learn. A lot of the games are educational.

For you, The Wii would be the best, it is interactive and involves more than just sitting there. (Didn't you go to the arcade or have an atari when you were little) The games will not have a negative effect. My 3 year old loves to play pretend, is constantly outside loves having is daddy read to him. It is all in how it is introduced and utilized.

Yes, it can be a problem, if that is all the child wants to do, but that is why we create rules. Don't have him forgo something based on your fears and what you feel is negative without trying it. Introduce 1 for his birthday and then see how it goes. He will be sooooo excited. With the nintendo DS he can play with his friends by hooking then together. You could use it to play memory games (I do) Like anything else, including tv, moderation is the key. Good luck

Hi Amy,
We have the Wii and its great exercise for the kids. Most of the games wear you out...well have a great day and good luck..

Julie

Hi Amy -

Your intuition you have about your son is your most valuable source of information. Here is my experience:

I have 4 kids - my oldest is a son, and he started playing games on the computer when he was 2 years old - we thought it was so cute and that he was so precocious, and that is was so 'educational'. He is now 18, and we have had nothing but stress and fights around video games since then. I firmly believe that in my son's case, he will have a lifetime struggle with that particular addiction - it has wasted so much of his time, it has affected his grades at school, his quality of sleep, etc. We went through long periods of time where we simply got video game consoles out of the house - we restricted computer time (which, frustratingly, they need for school to do homework and research - so I have had to at times, sit there and monitor his homework time the entire time so he wouldn't get on online games...you can block certain websites, but not all of them) - and it is still ALL he thought about or cared about - even when a console was not in the house.

We have 3 younger children who do not have this addiction, and can play video games for an hour or so, and then get on with a normal life and they can take it or leave it - it doesn't affect them the same way. Each child is different. We've gone back and forth between having the video game console in the house for the younger children who could deal with it in a healthy way, and we didn't want to punish them for an older sibling who couldn't and then having to severely monitor my oldest son, and just banning them altogether. It has been a struggle. If I had to go back in time, I would have not allowed my oldest son to play video games at all - or at least until he was older. But my other children are just fine with it. If you do get your son a console, monitor it carefully - don't allow it to get out of hand. And pay attention to your intuition about it.

Good luck

i've held the line against getting one, and i am glad. recently at a party with about 12 kids and twice as many adults, the one thing we all had to keep settling disputes over was the hand held ds games. at one point i went in and there were three nintendo ds's out, and each one had two or three kids hovering over it-there were only two kids that were relating to each other face to face. it was tragic. thats my two cents, i do not think they are appropriate until teen or tween years, but it is a hard line to hold, there is a great deal of pressure out there to have one. i think it is worth resisting.

I have two 7 & 4 year old daughters. We bought the Wii for Christmas. We do not have any of the other games. My girls love playing the Wii with the family or when friends come over. If the weather is nice, they still would rather go outside to swing, play, etc. If they are in the house, they usually paint, do crafts, play school or dolls, etc. We use our Wii mostly as great fun family time -- maybe one night during the week for approx. 1 hour after homework and maybe on the weekends for 1-2 hours. It definitely is great exercise for the entire family.