After 19 yrs, I am getting married. How do I keep my wedding expenses down?

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1

Do we have to have a dinner for everyone at the reception or can we have appetizers? Has anyone made their own food to have for a reception? I don't want to be tacky, but, I have a small budget.
What do you do for party favors? Are they necessary? Is it tacky to use paper products like from the dollar store wedding section?

I am trying to do it all the right way. We are getting married at Maryville where we met. It seems romantic. So, we are using their chapel which is now the " Our Lady of Guadalupe Shrine". It use to be free for alumnist. However, now that the chapel is owned by the ones who run it, they are charging us 400.00. It blew me away. But, this was my dream, so, I am paying it. I am stressed out over all this wedding stuff. I don't know the right way to do everything.
Or should I say the traditional way. I just want to be married to my soul mate where we met. It seemed fitting for us. I am thrilled that Father Smythe will still marry us at least. He helped us to find each other.
I just want it to be beautiful and not too expensive. I am waiting on my dress until I can see if I can lose more weight.
I'll take any advice.

2

Well, I don't know too much about having a traditional wedding. I am about to get married, just have to fit it into my schedule and budget. We used tax return money to buy our wedding rings, kept the budget at no more than 800 per ring. So we bought them a few months ago and have them ready. The marriage license is another 100, and as for a dress, I plan on paying no more than I have to since I am already 7 months along with baby. I plan on going to JCpenney , davids bridal 99 dollar gowns, or something else cheap enough yet wedding appropriate. None of our families are here so we are having just the two of us, the pastor of our church, and one witness to attend the wedding ceremony. No reception, dinners, bridesmaids, groomsmen, nothing. We are happy with this, and if I were you and money is an issue, I'd just go simple. The important thing is you are marrying the love of your life, and that should make the day far beyond perfect in itself.

3

Obviously, the one factor that will most influence how expensive your wedding will be is the size of your guest list. Keep the wedding small, and that will help a lot.

Catering is by far the most expensive portion of a wedding. If you don't want to serve dinner, have the wedding at a time when dinner wouldn't be expected, like late morning or early afternoon. Then you'd be able to get away with just having appetizers and dessert. Not serving alcohol would also cut expenses.

See if the chapel will give you a break on the rental if you do it at a non-traditional time for a wedding (like a Friday?). Saturdays would be most expensive.

I made my own invitations using my computer and blank cards from Michael's. I also had a friend make my wedding cake. Favors can be as expensive or not as you want them to be. Some people just do chocolates - you can wrap them yourself in cellophane or tulle and some ribbon. I bought my dress at David's Bridal while they were having their $99 sale. I used my mom's veil.

The one thing that I did splurge on was the photographer. I figured that, after the day was done, the one thing (other than the husband - heh) that I would have to remember the day would be the pictures. But if that's not important to you, you could always see if a friend would take pictures for you.

Good luck, and I hope you have the day that you want.

4

I got married in Vegas, as I am cheap, and a Star Trek fan. (we got married on the bridge of the enterprise). A friend of mine did a cute wedding where her theme was "fall" and they made cute pumpkin centerpieces. There is no reason for favors, although a cousin did little bags of m&ms in their wedding colors, which was cute.

I made my own wedding dress, which definately cut the cost down, but if you dont mind a used wedding dress, I've seen a lot of people selling theirs on Craig's list. I think this is a great idea, since people generally spend a ton of money on a wedding dress they only wear once.

i was in a wedding for a friend who made cute necklaces and earrings for the bridesmaids as their present, which was very nice.

The main thing is for you to be happy. Dont buy into all that bridezilla, spend a ton on the wedding and go into debt business. Set out how much you want to spend and dont go over. Good luck!

5

Hi Susana,
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
My husband and I got married 5 years ago and paid for our own wedding/reception, although we did get a bit of help from our families. Our total budget was around $5,000.

My advice is to stick to your budget and don't get caught up in the wedding industry notion that your wedding has to be an incredibly expensive and elaborate affair. The best weddings I have ever been to have been backyard bbq-type events that were low-cost, but great fun.

You don't have to do party favors if you don't want, and go ahead and make your own food. Don't stress about "doing it right," do what is right for you and your husband-to-be. Get creative, have fun, and don't forget that the important thing is your marriage, the wedding is just one day.

6

Honestly, these days, I think that people have forgone "traditional" weddings in favor of saving money, or, more importantly, making their wedding day completely their own.

First, get your dress under control - decide your budget and start hunting. Look in the paper and craigslist as well. People buy gowns and never use them and eventually sell them at a fraction of the cost. I purchased a wedding gown at Nordstroms, on sale, for $79 - plus they dry cleaned it before I picked it up (like 100 people must of tried it on before me, yuck) at no charge. I know you want to lose weight, but I honestly wouldn't worried about it - your partner loves you the way you are :)

Second, decide what is the very most important thing to you about the wedding. Pictures, food, etc. It sounds like it was your venue, and that is going to be where the largest part of your budget should go then. For the other items (photographer, invitiations, etc), check around with your family and see if anyone has any talent that can be put to use. My uncle is a photographer and I was able to do my own invitations. A friend of my mom's made cakes, which helped too.

Third, I agree that timing can be everything. Doing a wedding at a non-traditional time could allow you to do just cake and champagne. Another idea would be to do a "backyard reception" after the wedding and make it sort of potluck. Have your closest friends/family contribute an item and get the "staple" food like chicken from a nearby deli or restaurant. BYOB will cut down on alot of $$ or you can do beer and set ups - still alot cheaper than liquor.

Finally, I wouldn't "dime store" your wedding to death. Sometimes plain and simple is better than lots and lots of dollar store goodies. Oh yeah - I would skip the whole "memoribila" item - you know like matchbooks with the wedding date and bride and grooms name and that kind of stuff. No one wants or needs it - your friends and family just want you to be happy, not broke :)

Good luck!

7

Congratulations!! Making your own food is fabulous and no need for party favors. You can do the food ahead of time. Pans of zite and sauce, trays of meetballs and suace and a salad, cake and coffee! DONE! Heavy duty paper plates and plastic forks and knife and spoons, paper coffee cups is just fine! buy in bulk makes it all cheaper. Also the most fun we have had at a wedding was a cookout! No money for a photographer......throw away cameras at the tables are so fun! Good luck and have a ball!!

8

In the old days, meaning till about the mid '60's most people got married and then had a small reception of cake, punch and coffee..Very cozy and all of the photos I have ever seen, everybody looked happy..

I do special events and the first thing I ask brides is "what is the most important part of your wedding?" Most brides go on and on about their dress, the flowers the reception.. Then I remind them the most important part is that they get to marry the love of their life and be surrounded by their loved ones.. the rest is icing on the wedding cake..

Make a list of your top 3 things. Sounds like the Chapel was one on your list so what else do you want to be exactly as you want? How many guests are you inviting?

Do you have an organized friend who will be in charge of the reception. Ask them to be there to organize the reception. Pay them an agreed amount. Here in Austin the Parks and Recreation will let you reserve their park facilities for very little money. Do you have a singer or friend family member who can set up music through their computer? This can have speakers attached for the reception. Liqueur can be expensive so if you want liqueur keep it simple, with white and red wine

You can make your own invitations. Hire a friend that is a good photographer.. just let them know the shots you would like to make sure they have..

At one wedding we did, the family made all of the food. 3 different people baked 3 different cakes and we hired college kids to serve and clean up.
Paper plates are fine , but you can also rent. Only the bride and groom had flowers and we placed fresh flowers on the cakes.

Do NOT stress about any of this. Just let the day happen and enjoy. People are not there to be impressed by the "stuff" they are there to support you.

9

A wedding to me is a celebration of the joining of two families along with their friends. So if the wedding is for you both & your families & dear friends, why stress over money. they know you. they are not expecting you to drop thousands on this one day or in some cases a few hours. They just want to have fun & celebrate your day with you. Make it memorable, fun, romantic, & go with the flow. take the dough you have & spend it on the honeymoon! Anyone who is close to you & really means something will not mind this in the least! Some of the best weddings I've been too were small family affairs. I have been to some really fancy & expensive weddings and I feel it really takes away from the whole meaning of the day. The waste of money just seems to say to me, look at how shallow we can be. Just make sure guests are comfortable & provide a good atmosphere, beverages of some kind, light snacks, & clean facility. that is all you need & who could ask for anything more! Congrats on your big day!

10

You can buy a lot of wedding supplies at AC Moore, Michaels and even walmart now. Including a veil!! (if you are going to wear one). A plain one was $15 last time I looked, or they sold them decorated for $40. If you sign up for their email list, you will get a printable coupon every week (that you can print out mulitple times... one for each person going to the store with you!)... so you coudl really get a decorated veil for $24!!! They also have really pretty headpieces... no need for some crazy expensive thing from a bridal store.

You could have a luncheon or a brunch... and no liquor, if you want to keep costs down... that's what my brother-in-law did. Don't do a cash bar, my cousin did that and it was tacky.

Do you have any local wineries near you? We have one near us and they were surprisingly affordable, and included an open wine bar. if we had it there, we could have provided other alcohol if we wanted, but it wouldn't have been necessary. They also included a 750 mL personallized wine bottle as a favor... since we didn't have the wedding there, we bought those as our favors for a really good price.

You can also look for venues that let you supply your own alcohol.

i don't suggest printing your own invitations though... i've seen people do that and it doesn't come out very well. There are websites that will do it for you professionally for low prices.

For your dress... you can check consignment shops, craigslist, and thrift stores... even a rental company. You never know what you may find!

11

Hubby and I spent less than $2000.- on our whole wedding AND week long honeymoon...

My younger sisters spent $3000.- on each of theirs...

Yes, making your own food will cut down on $$$. Not having alcohol will also cut down A HUGE cost.

Plan your wedding so it starts around 1 or 2. Then you miss the "lunch" and are done by supper... No need for an extravagent meal. My sil catered in sandwiches and salad... Or you can get the salad (potato, mac, etc ) bulk and just assign a teen to fill and refill...

Meatballs in crockpots would be a hot option...

Have the "reception" at a park with a pavillion and do a barbque... Assign someone to be grillmaster...

There are lots of ideas out there that are not tacky! Dollar store stuff is ok... But keep your eyes open! Clearence stuff at the different major craft stores is usually higher quality and can be really cheap! Think out side the box! If you want to do a "unity" candle... Instead of spending the big bucks, make your own... hot glue guns, gems, ribbon, etc Those special holders are a racket... Just buy some nice candle holders from Walmart... 99.9 Percent of people never notice all those "little" things that add up fast.

Check out yard sales... My sister got glassware for the bridal party for .25 a glass...

Figure out what your "theme" is and have fun finding things that work with it!

NOTE: By making all your own food you will have to keep the day AND night before the wedding free to cook. Unless you can "assign" specific people to cook for you... Make sure to have people assigned for set up, clean up and tear down!

12

Congratulations on your engagement! My hubby and I paid for our own wedding when were were still in college (23 years old). My mom made my dress and the cake was a gift from my grandma. Besides that, our total budget was under $2500! We got married right after Thanksgiving, so since our families were travelling to us for the wedding, we hosted a "traditional" thanksgiving meal for the reception! We only had about 30 guests (family and very close friends), so it was very small and personal. I bought flowers at WalMart (red & white roses) and put together my own bouquets and boutineers. We even rented our best man's tux and bought matching outfits for our 3 sisters (bridesmaids). Two of my close friends played our music (one on the piano, other on flute) and we had a local judge (justice of the peace) perform the ceremony. I made the invitations with paper from Michaels and a stamp that had the Corinthians I scripture ("Love is patient..."). It definitely looked homemade, but I did get a lot of compliments on the "personal touch." We didn't do favors, but did have disposable cameras. My mom and family friend did our photos & video and they turned out great. Like you, the most important to me were the man and the location. Fortunately, my man went along with whatever I chose, and we even got our rings at Walmart (his for $50, mine for $20)!! Talk about cheap!
So, just be creative and KNOW your budget! Know what's important to you and don't let anyone make you feel like you have to have this or that or whatever. Whatever you do, I'm sure it will turn out beautiful and you will only remember the best parts!

13

What I did for our wedding is:
I held it in the afternoon... and had a "high-tea" sort of timing to it... thus I did not have to serve/cater for a meal-time, ie: dinner or lunch. It keeps costs down that way.
Just finger foods with tea. We did not serve alcohol (this increases costs).
The "reception" was right after the wedding, at the same site.

Then I got my wedding dress on sale, from a wedding shop, off the rack.
My Husband rented his Tux.
My wedding bouquet... was done by a friend's boss, who was a florist.

For the caterer, I told them plainly and honestly, that I had a budget... and was not a high-end spender... and if they could work with me on it. They did. They were fantastic about it all. They provided a great assortment of foods for a "high-tea" and a great menu which they customized for my budget. It looked fancy and tasted good, but did not cost a lot. And different teas of course. It was a great buffet... and very nicely done. And they even had a guy in a tuxedo serve the guests.

I did not have party favors. Its not necessary.

The caterer provided the paper products/cups for eating.

For our Pastor... he does not charge for his services... but we gave him a check for a good amount.

For a "photographer"... we had our friend do it, and the video. And we paid him what we could. And it turned out well. In addition to that, my sister also took photos, so we had a good assortment to choose from.

We had a small wedding... just very close friends and immediate family.

Our wedding rings... were matching bands. I am not none who likes huge diamonds or fancy rings. So that also keeps costs down, and my Hubby was glad I am not a jewelry maniac.

My total wedding costs... were $1,000 total for everything I mentioned above.
we paid cash for it all. Me/Hubby did not believe in going into debt, just for a wedding. Fancy or not, it is the moment that counts. Not "impressing" everyone. My wedding, was as I dreamed about... it was very special. Even though it was cost efficient.
Everyone was impressed... and complimented us on our wedding.

We held our wedding at a private park where my parents lived. No cost to us.

Just some ideas. All the best and congratulations,
Susan

14

My friend got remarried to her husband (a couple years after they divorced--they eloped the first time) and they had a private ceremony at a local Gardens'. Then they had the reception in their backyard. They made all the food! It was probably the best wedding I've ever been to! It was so comfortable and easy going. They rented a bunch of tables and chairs and had a large yard with trees for shade. They had beer, pop, and water for drinks. For the sandwhiches they bought shredded pork in bulk from Sams Club. Then they had some fruit and salads, chips, etc. You could just get sheet cakes from Sams to save a ton of money too!

So, yes I think it would be fine to do the food yourselves. You could always have the reception at a local park.......

Definitely get the decor and paper products from the dollar store if that's where they are cheapest! That stuff just gets thrown away at the end of the day anyway!

As for favors. You could do something as simple as wrapping a couple Hershey Kisses in tulle and tie it with a ribbon of your wedding color. People appreciate the gesture. Mints and nuts on the table are a cheap way to have a little snack available too.

I bought my dress off the rack. It was an $800 dress and I paid $175. I loved it!

Go on craigslist to find decorations, dress, and other items you need. Many people try to resell their items to get a little money back. My brother got some great deals for his wedding there.

15

Susana, there is no right way. And now in the 21st century there are years of different kinds of traditional ways. I urge you to do what ever you can afford that you want to do and instead of stressing about doing the wedding the right way focus on doing whatever is fun for you. Even while you're planning do the sort of planning that is fun. Focus on pleasing yourself and your finance and having fun.

I've been to all sorts of weddings over the years and the most fun ones were ones during which the bride and groom were relaxed and confident. My own wedding was not fun. I forgot my priorities.

Making your own food is good. For me what is even more fun is a potluck with paper plates and napkins. My brother had his reception this way. No party favors. Dollar store paper products are fine. In fact some are the same as those found in "regular" stores.

I suggest that you turn over the reception to a friend or friends that you trust. Give them a budget and continue to consult with them but let them do the research and pull the whole thing together. Let go of some idea of perfection and focus on enjoying what happens. I've been that person a couple of times for friends. My work was my gift to them.

When is the wedding? I also suggest you let go of the idea of fitting into that dream dress. Do that dream dress in the size you are now unless the wedding a several months to a year away. My daughter found her dream dress at a bridal store's sale. She did look for several weeks and then found this dress. It was nearly a replica of the dress she'd drawn a couple of years earlier. It fit the size she was at that time.

If you wait to buy a dress you may not be able to find one that you like as well as one you find before you lose the weight. Also, it's been my experience watching friends that when they lose weight for a specific occasion that they quickly gain it back. If you've been working on losing weight for health's sake and will continue to work on being healthy that is another thing.

Please relax, focus on this soul mate and building a beautiful relationship, and let go of wanting a perfect wedding. Your relationship is the most important part of a wedding. Getting married with your friends there to share this wonderful day is what is important. Your friends do not expect perfection. They expect evidence of your love for each other and for them. Enjoy this time of planning.

16

Hi well I have to say I can't speak from experience because my husband and I had a justice of the peace "wedding" but we knew we couldn't afford a proper wedding. We had a 3 month old daughter at the time so expenses were tight. I just want to say speaking from my best friend's experience, try to stay within your means because they will be married 3 yrs. this November and are still paying on their wedding and it wasn't even that extravagant. Make this day about you and your husband to be and as long as you're satisfied with the results then don't worry about what other people think. Good luck and I wish you all the success in your new marriage.

17

I LOVE all the responses you've been getting! It is so refreshing to see a post about a budget wedding. If you follow everyone's advice, you are going to have so much fun on your big day, and your guests will be gushing about it for years to come. I love the idea of a potluck wedding reception at a park or in someone's back yard, and I would be thrilled to be invited to a wedding like that. I would never consider that to be tacky, and I think paper plates and napkins are perfectly fine.

My husband and I got married at the courthouse before his deployment, and then we had a destination "wedding" a few months later. I think we spent less than $4,000 for the dinner (35 people), hotel, plane tickets, dress/shoes/jewelry, pictures/albums, and cake. It was so nice to start our marriage without a wedding bill hangover. Congratulations on your engagement, and have a great wedding!

18

We had a very beautiful "budget wedding." My gown was actually a bridesmaid gown with a train (much cheaper) which could be ordered in white. Our wedding party was small (just best man and matron of honor) which cut down on bouquet/buttoneer expenses. For decoration we used English Ivy ripped from the side of my house and flowers potted in terra cotta pots which we painted. We kept our invite list small (75 close friends and family of which about 45 showed). I hired two friends on the cusp of the list to "cater." I pre-ordered sandwiches from Panera and a local bagel shop (lox) and had my "caterers" cut everything in quarters. We rounded that out with pre-cut veggie trays from the grocery store, fresh fruit (strawberries, pre-cut pineapple), store-bought frozen mini-quiches, and fancy crackers and cheese. I left all the pick-up and prep to my caterers. We also pre-bought a bunch of wine and a pony keg. We bought some cheap on sale white table cloths and clear plastic plates from party city. For center pieces I had one yellow tulip in a small glass vase (less then 50 cents each) and a silver-looking ($5) 5X7 frame with wedding or wedding era photos of my parents, husbands divorced parents with their current spouses, and all of our grandparents. The "welcome" table had a fresh bouquet of grocery store flowers. We bought CDs or downloaded itunes versions of songs we liked and compiled our playlist onto 2 CDs, used our own stereo but rented speakers. We had my matron's husband just start and change the CD when appropriate. For our cake we had the University bakery do a beautiful 2 tier cake (had the entire top tier left over) and it cost only $75. My hubby wanted Cheesecake for his groom's cake so we just bought 3 good store ones. Everyone complimented us on our beautiful day and I think it was. Maybe you'll find some cost-saving ideas for yourself within our experience!

19

If I were to have a wedding, not a JOP visit like we did, I would do a BBQ. You can "hire" some teen relatives to do the grilling and keep it simple with just burgers and ribs or chicken. Home made potato salad, chips, salsa, corn on the cob.

At least, that's what I would do.

20

I don't know if you've seen this site, but offbeatbride.com features a ton of budget wedding, some more traditional than others. Might help you pick and chose some ideas. Congratulations!