I have a 6 year old son who argues with EVERYTHING we tell him. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make it stop?
Don't talk to him until he's out of college. LOL! JK! As far as I can tell it's a phase every kid goes through. For some kids it lasts longer than others (my mom said I still haven't grown out of it). But from friends and family I have learned that you should do your best not to argue with him, except for important things. Good luck... remember this too shall pass.
Good Morning Daven, What I have done with our gr children, when they start to argue I ask them to explain to me why they are correct and Nana & Papa are wrong. They usually can't.
If they continue to argue they get a time out (age in minutes)
for disrespect.
I had my son's write I will not talk back to my parents. ;)
I should of kept up with that one. laughing
God luck with what ever you do. It's a big bugga a boo to figure it all out.
Karen
It takes two to argue.
We had that same problem with our 12 yr. old son when he was about that age. I rented a video from the Mid Continent Library that helped immediately. I believe the video name is 1-2-3 Magic. It seemed so simple, but it really did the trick.
Good luck!
hello- we had this problem. i stopped explaining myself and just went with the standard "because i said so". my child was also six. i jusy had to put my foot down and follow through with what ever consequence we came up with. he got the picture real quick after we left a party due to an outburst. it was not much fun that day for the rest of the family, but the rest of our lives will be smoother. good luck.
Dear Daven.
I understand your frustration, especially since our younger parents have been taught to give explanations to children when they question anything. Well, I found that even though I said I wouldn't be like my mother when I had kids, I ended up doing it. "Because I said so" is explanation enough at 6 years of age for most things they are going to argue about.
The statement should be made and no further discussion about it. It is also important that if it is about something the child wants to do, the parents should talk about it first and have a united yes or no to his request. i am sure you will have many responses to your question. I hope this is helpful.
JudyB
I have a 10-year-old who does the same thing! I'm not sure I have any solutions, but a couple things we've tried that seem to help somewhat are 1) Don't argue back; avoid getting dragged into a debate with him. Stick to what you said. 2) Make consequences for not doing what he's told and stalling. For example, if we tell our son to read and he argues about it and wastes time, he misses out on something fun later on, because he still has to do the reading. We make sure to point out that if he hadn't argued, he would have been playing outside, or whatever it is. Good luck!
Tammy
I have a 4 year old who does the same thing. It is very annoying and since every kid is different this may or may not work for you. I have put an end to bargaining. I have a no-whing policy. I think I started too late with my 4 y/o but I have already started with my 1 1/2 y/o. May sound crazy, but after a few weeks, it works. I make dinner, if they don't want it, then no snacks later and my 4 y/o may go to bed hungry. If he argues with me about anything, he goes to his room until he is ready to stop arguing. Now the threat of going to his room, any time before bedtime is enough to get him to stop arguing.
My only advice is to do what you think may work, and STICK WITH IT! That may sound easy, but it's the hardedt thing to do. Good luck, hopefully it's just a phase that he will outgrow.
We found that if we insist that they respond to us when we ask them to do something with "yes mam/sir" or "no mam/sir" they don't have anything else to say. I don't know why it helps, but it seems to stop them in their tracks! Good old southern responses another upshot is that it really impresses their teachers!
It's much better than the because I said so response that I used to say, now we just say "the correct response to that is Yes mam" until they stop arguing.
well i have to reiterate what's already been said - it takes two to argue, and "i said so" should be the end of it. don't engage, that's what he's looking for, and it gives him power over you, knowing you'll engage in a debate with him about it when he argues.
on the other hand, some things can also help the situation - you said you have two boys so it might also be an attention thing. maybe spending some time alone with your 6 year old will help him feel more important so he doesn't feel the need to make every conversation a power/attention struggle. also letting him make small decisions (what he'll wear that day, bubbles in his bath or not, etc) might help.
just my two cents' worth...and i stole it from supernanny! good luck and let us know how it goes!
Lots of good responses.
I would also add to give him options - all of which you're okay with. It will help him feel like he has some control, but you'll still get what you want.
For example:
Which veggie would you like with dinner? Peas or Carrots. (it's his choice, but he's still eating veggies)
Would you like to clean your room now, or after dinner? (followed up with "great, I'll remind you after dinner that you chose to clean your room then!" (happily... without sarcasm...))
How many pages of your book are you going to read? (not, are you going to read it or just go read it)
One of my younger brothers was extremely aguementative, that's how my Mom combatted it... and we are still astonished that he didn't grow up to be a defense attourney!
And, a phrase to repeat to him over and over is "I'm on your side". It's a simple way of reminding him that you're not the enemy. There's also a book by that title - it's for teens, but might be worth checking out early.
http://www.amazon.com/Im-Your-Side-Resolving-Conflict/dp/1559580593
I hope this all helps you! Stick with it - nip it in the bud!!
T.
"Go brain dead" is what Love & Logic will tell you. Go to the library and check out some Love & Logic CD's or books. It is so worth the time and effort. If you can, I would also recommend investing in some of the good ones because you will need to listen to them over and over again. It's made a HUGE difference in our household. I have 7 & 5 year old boys and a 3 year old girl.
My son who is 14 has been this way since he could talk. Through the years I have found that not arguing back is the best way to stop it. I admit some days this is harder than others. I usually just tell him that I am not going to argue and just walk off seems to work most of the time.
My son went throught his stage & all I can say is that it really thrilled him to argue with me! It would be something I knew he knew I was right on, but he would argue anyways. One day I finally said I think you just like arguing with me. He grinned & nodded his head YES! He was give or take your sons age & it was a game/attention for him. Once I caught on (talk about slow LOL)I quit playing & he gave up.:) So my only suggestion is quit playing the game, it may just be an attention thing. Good Luck!
Hey GIRL! OMG, my 6 year old is the SAME WAY!!! UGH!!!!! Ok, you know what, I'm glad I just read your blog because now I actually feel better! Ha! You start to wonder if you're doing something wrong or you start to feel like your kid is the only one acting this way. Anyway, a lot of it could be the age and them going through the "independence" thing. If you don't have it already, got to the bookstore or online and get the book "1-2-3 Magic". It is an INCREDILBE book that teaches us parents EXCELLENT discipling tools that really work! You AND your kids will be in better moods! Seriously, check it out! And Good luck!!!!!
Your first mistake was to indulge the argument to beggin with. Now you need to simply tell him there will be no argument because what you and your husband say goes; no if's and's or but's!!!!! Then when he trys to initiate the argument don't respond to him. To reply to him is giving him what he needs to keep going. If you're not saying anything back to him he has nobody to argue with. If you're wanting to tell him something. First tell him what you want to, and follow it imidiatly with a consiquence that will occure if he trys to argue with you about it. If he then starts the argurment instead of responding to it just simply follow throught with the punishment.
Hi, Daven. Eventhough I think this could just be an age related issue, I think you have to be firm and consistent to get this behavior to stop. I have had luck with this technique with other children who have a tendency to argue. Once they start the bantering, I say what I need to say and walk off, giving them no further attention. If they follow and try to continue arguing I put my hand up and say "I am done." I will go find something to do to take the attention off the situation and move away from the child. It is too easy to get into a power struggle. I do think children should be allowed to make their point, but after that, you make your decision and stick to it and be done with the situation. Once you consistently use this technique, I think your son will get the point that you are done getting into power struggles with him. I hope this helps. Good Luck!
Don't argue back. Let him know that it is not ok to argue with adults and that it is disrespectful even if he thinks he is right. My oldest did this when he was younger and I just told him that arguing with adults isn't acceptable and even if he knows he is right just don't keep the arguement going because it just gets someone upset and angry and is disrespectful to argue with adults anyway. He is a teenager now and doesn't argue with us now as much although there are times especially if he is wanting to do something and we have discussions about it but don't have long arguments over any issue. Letting kids argue at a young age either makes them look like a know it all which other people get irritated with a kid that acts like that or they get to where they argue about everything and won't listen to anyone else's ideas or opinions and will grow up thinking they are always right.
If you refuse to argue with him he will have to be quiet because there's no point to arguing with yourself and after a while he will get the point.
Hope that helps.
Terri M. has some of the right idea! I will also recommend a class that give you many tools for training a child the right way to do things. It's called Growing Kids God's Way. It is absolutely awesome.