If your 17 year old daughter was sleeping with several people (most being her age but one is 22), would you report it?
It would really depend on what the age of consent in your state is… For instance,I believe that it is 16 in Florida. So, technically a 16 yo could make the decision to have sex herself.
Would I be thrilled about the situation? Hell no. For me it would also depend on the situation. If she was forced, then I would absolutely report it. If it was a consensual relationship at 17,then maybe not. I don’t think that it would be fair to the 22 year old young man to be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his life for making a bad decision and entering into a consensual relationship with someone that is a year too young.
I think statutory rape is under the age of 16, so I’m not sure there’s anyone to report it to in terms of legality.
If my 17 year old were sleeping around, I’d be using every skill and bit of leverage I had to figure out why and stop enabling it. Why does this young woman need to sleep around? What precautions is she taking against pregnancy and disease? Are there drugs around? Why isn’t she at home? What privileges is she still enjoying if she is breaking the parent’s rules? Does she still have a cell phone, a computer, a car, room and board? What is she rebelling against? What unmet needs does she have that she is trying to satisfy by sleeping with a variety of people?
There’s not enough info in your post to be more specific, but those are some of the questions I’d be asking and some actions I’d be taking.
I’m seriously coming around to the concept of no sex before marriage. HOWEVER…
I was sleeping with older men (20’s-40’s) at 17.
So, no. I would not. I was a full competent and functional adult making my own choices …and also, thank goodness, active duty military… So MY choices ruining other people’s lives… Was never a question. I was HARDLY being coerced or taken advantage of. Many, if not most, I was seducing.
They may not have been the best choices, and those choices may have burned me / taught some hard lessons from time to time… But having BEEN raped, that was NOT rape.
The statutory rape laws are designed to protect abuses of trust and power. Designed to protect older kids from being taken advantage of by predators.
When I was not only consenting, but often tripping men and beating them to the ground… That’s NOT rape. Of any kind. Especially when I was out and out lying or presenting myself in situations where any reasonable person would have assumed I was of age.
If my 17yo daughter was sleeping around, that’s on her (and me, to some degree). Not the legal system.
MOST states, the consent age has been met by 17. It seems like the daughter is lacking self respect and worth, and charging a dude isn’t going to fix that. From what very little you’ve said, this isn’t an older man manipulating her affections, or coercing her into having sex. She’s just sleeping around. That’s her issue. And, it’s a dangerous issue. A high risk lifestyle.
Hope she’s on birth control and understands the real risks of stds. (That can be caught with or without a condom.)
If my 17 year old were sleeping with several people she would be in serious trouble with me. Grounded would become her permanent status. If she can’t keep her pants up for many then the fact that she is rolling in the hay with a 22 year old is of no consequence. I would threaten the 22 year old with the possibility though. It sounds like the 17 year old needs a reality check.
I would be more concered about the fact that she is sleeping with several people than the fact that she is sleeping with a 22 year old. It is only a five year age difference, and I know a few married couples who started dating when she was 16 or 17 and he was in his early 20’s… I don’t think that there is anything to report. I would talk to her about the sleeping around though.
I’d be more pissed with the sleeping around. I wouldn’t like the age gap, but at almost 18 I am not going to ruin another persons life.
Nope.
The big question is - is it forced? If not, no.
If it’s not forced and they are in a relationship, punishing HIM for her behavior is not going to solve the problem of pre-marital/teen sex. It’s just going to screw up HIS life forever and do nothing for the girl.
depends upon what the legal age of consent is in my state AND IF it’s forced.
17 and 22 - not so far apart - 17 and 29 or higher? you bet your bottom dollar I would report…
if my daughter is sleeping with several people?? then I guess I didn’t do a good job of instilling values and morals in her. And would do what I could to help her see that sex isn’t going to get her anywhere but trouble.
Sex is supposed to be something shared by two people who love each other and in a committed relationship - I know - I know - old fashioned ideals, right?
I would find out WHY she feels the need to have sex with multiple partners…
yes!!! it’s a crime-she’s your daughter-protect her-and enlist someone to threaten the pig who’s taking advantage of her
I would say that if a 17 year old girl has already had sex with “several” people, including a 22 year old, it says more about her & her parents than it does about the 22 year old. A 17 year old that is promiscuous is most definitely messed up, but she is a willing participant at this stage in the game, and not some innocent girl who fell in love & got taken advantage of. I would think some counseling/family counseling would be in order.
Is this YOUR 17 year old? (I hope not…) Though I’m lucky enough not to have your problem and I guess I’d want to say “there by the grace of God go I”, I would also want to ask you where you’ve been while your daughter was out doing this stuff. It’s hard to control your child AFTER you’ve allowed her too much freedom and not supervised her enough so that she had the time and ability to be out catting around.
I DO think that I’d be talking to this 22 year old about his intentions toward her if I were the mother. Sometimes just coming face-to-face with this might make someone that age stop and think and realize that there is a reckoning. Is the 22 year old in college? Is he out working? Is there a reason why he can’t connect with women instead of doing this with a girl? Those kinds of pointed questions might make a difference.
Perhaps counseling might help the girl come to an understanding of why she doesn’t respect herself enough to stop sleeping around.
At the very least, I’d be getting her depo provera shots because I would NOT want to be a grandmother. She should be using condoms to hopefully prevent STD’s. A crash course on nasty STD’s would be top on the list, that’s for sure.
I haven’t looked at the website someone provided for the state of Wisconsin, but I have to say that if this girl has been 17 for a while, that she is probably is old enough to know what she is doing and I don’t think I’d be reporting on a 22 year old (30 or 40, yes) and trying to get him registered as a sex offender. Ascertaining his intentions by talking directly to him about his responsibility should he become a father would be more appropriate.
Dawn
For some reason I cannot seem to get my answer in here, so perhaps I will try one more time. I guess the question is who exactly I would report it to? I am a mother of sons so I always warned them about ‘jail bait’ on the other hand I have a younger husband and many people don’t care about that age. Twenty two is not appearing that old to me anymore and if the girl is not reporting it herself or complaining then what do we do? She can be warned about the perils of sleeping with a lot of people (AIDS, HERPES, etc) she can be told about birth control and the consequences of not using it. It could be reported however is the report being made because the twenty two year old is forcing her or is it because one just doesn’t like the fact that he is older. We have laws about date ‘rape’ and I was young and remember, but on the other hand many families are accepting grandchildren into their homes by young girls and seem to live with it. It’s your call. Good luck. I am also going to mention this, my own mother was seventeen when she married my father and not all cases are the same. If this girl is sleeping with multiple partners she sounds very needy and yes should get some help.
NO!! If she’s sleeping with “several people” there are a lot more things to worry about then the age difference on one particular person. Also, why create even more problems?
Sounds like the problem is a lot bigger than just sleeping with a 22 yr old. The 17 yr old needs some type of counseling so that her self worth can be realized and she will stop this dangerous behavior before she gets pregnant or contracts some disease.
From what my officer friends have said is that a 17 year old is usually considered old enough to have sex. Even if it’s against the law in your state.
Stinks but most of the time they aren’t going to do anything serious. Expecially if she’s sleeping with others. The only way they can prove she is sleeping with him is for DNA evidence being found when the “crime” is reported. So it’s almost going to be impossible. Plus he can always say she was sleeping with a friend and he was told she was older. There’s no proof he “knows” differently.
As sad as this is she does need to see someone. She is using sex to feel loved and we know that it backfires on the teen and makes them feel used up and worthless.
I would be much more concerned about her promiscuity than with the age of the 22 year old.
Nope. Sounds like the daughter needs a little guidance, or maybe a lot of it…