Hi Moms! I have a 12 year old son who is an awesome person! He makes great grades, stays out of trouble, & loves his family very much. Most importantly, he is a devout Christian who for two years now has been "on fire" for Christ! He even won't "go with" a girl who's not Christian. We are so proud & vey thankful for the way he's doing especially now that he's in middle school & being exposed to so much more than we would want. He came to me last night and said he wants a My Space account. I have heard & seen some bad situations with children having accounts like these. He has a cell phone & uses it to text his friends.I don't want to hold him back socially & him feel like I don't trust him, but I also don't want him to have something that will expose him to even more of what we try so hard to protect our children from. I know that grown adults have these accounts & have heard the awful stories of predators using accounts such as these. What do I do? How have any of you handled it? Is there any such account that you have found to be safer? What age do you feel is appropriate for an account? Any experiences with your pre-teen & this would be greatly appreciated!
I have a 13 year old daughter. She was just 12 when we gave her a myspace account. Just like anything eles internet you have to regulate it. I have screen name and password access to her account and any one that wants to be a friend sends the request to my email account and her and I discuss if she knows the person ect. If you have taught them right from wrong you set your parental controls and you monitor it... He will be fine... Good Luck!
Shannon, I am right there with you. At the request of family and against my better judgment, I just set up a facebook page for my 10-year-old. I have already had to delete several applications and correct him about appropriate content and language and warn him against accepting friend requests from people I do not specifically approve. We have a family rule that persons under 18 are not allowed internet privacy. I must have all passwords and the ability to check their e-mails, facebook and myspace pages, etc. They exclude me from access, and their internet access is gone. Of course, I give the 17-year-olds much more leeway. We do have heavy parental controls on all the computers. I did check with our youth leaders and they recommend a program called bsafe. I also use the McAfee controls that come free with Comcast service. As with anything, I think it can be good for your son and your family IF you closely monitor his usage and set appropriate boundaries.
You're note did remind me of our the internet can be good for kids...and your comments about your son reminded me of our church kids. Our youth group is called enfeugo and has its own myspace page. http://www.myspace.com/enfuegofirehouse Good luck!
Sorry Shannon, but I am going to be straight forward with you. You are waning and that worries me...
Just say NO, you say he is an awesome person , is a Christan, great in school, etc.. How about you do all you can to keep him that way, and that does not include "My Space". There has been proof enough, I would think, that would be sufficient to just say, no. Why allow him to be led into a possibly unsafe situation or his mind be fed unclean things. Once in his mind, it cannot be erased. Think about it, you do have control over this. Maybe you can't control everything when he is not with you, but you can certainly control this. Keep him out of Satan's den. Trusting him is not the issue or his being held back socially, which he won't be. There is much more at stake here.
Just say no! and stick to it. He will listen and understand that you are thinking of his best interests if presented to him in a loving, no discussion way. My space is not a necessary thing for growing up. Good parenting is...
Wish you the best.
Myspace can be a wonderful space for a child if you monitor it carefully. My 12 year old daughter has one. I set her profile to private, so no one can get a message or check her page out unless we add them as a friend. Check his friend requests out everyday. Only add kids he knows.When setting up his account, you can have it to where anyone as to know his last name or E-Mail address to request him as a friend. Do not put any personal information that can be viewed by anyone. Do not put his age at 99 years old. Make him about 63. If you put up a pic of him, make your heading something like"My wonderful grandson" As long as you keep your eye on him, he should have a good experience there.
God Bless,
Debbie
I have a 12 yr. old daughter who also wants a MYSPACE acct. We said no. I think there are so many other things out there socially, they can get involved in without having to get a myspace to be in "touch" with people. Now, maybe I am wrong, but we did break down and let her have a facebook acct. I also got a facebook at the same time and I can keep an eye on what goes on with her acct.! Your son sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders (I am trying to steer my children to be like yours!!)(they're good kids!) and it sounds like you can trust him to make wise decisions. I trust my 12 yr. old also, and she hasnt done anything for me to feel otherwise, but it's not her I worry about!! Good luck with your decision!
How about a Facebook page instead? He can still stay in touch with friends online but it is possible to make the account completely private with only a thumbnail photo & name except to those who he (and you) deem okay to have friend access.
Congrats on raising such a level headed boy! You do not want him to resent this concern but needs to understand how dangerous things can be, especially when all precautions are nto taken.
I've got an 8yr old daughter and there are times I feel like she is growing up too fast so I understand your concerns!! Here are some things you can do to protect your son on Myspace-get his password info so you can log into his account and have total access to it, make his profile private that way only pepole marked as his friend can see his profile. Also, make comments have to be approved first before they are posted (I've gotten spam (sexual content) from my friends before when their profiles got hacked!!). You'll be able to delete it or post it for others to read. And I'm also thinking there is something where someone would need some of his info to even send him a friend request as well.
Good luck with a sticky and tough decision!!
Sharie
My son had an account for awhile and the most important thing was that my husband and I knew his password. That way, we could get into his account and look over things. My son knew this was a condition up front, and agreed to it. It was never an issue and we never came across anything untoward in his account. The other thing is, my husband and I both have My Space accounts and my son had to add us as friends so we could see his page as a visitor as well. This was important because we made him keep his page set up as private.
I say go for it, but with rules in place ahead of time.
Say No:
My space is actually fairly safe. Make sure you have his password and set his profile to where he can't recieve messages from people that arent on his my friends list. If you monitor him then just like anything else on the internet it's safe.
and if you actually read the descriptions on that website someone put up there nomyspace.com or whatever not all of those were preditors on myspace and you can bet that the kids they talk about were not monitored by their parents.
Thats great for you that you are so proud of him being christian what saddened me the most was the encouragement of it. Had I "listened" and married that nice Italian Catholic boy I would not be married to the wonderful Jewish man I am today! Its ok to branch out some!
Shannon-
I think I would be hesitant at 12 for a My Space account. That being said, I know a lot of people have them. If you decide to allow one, I would make sure you have certain rules to keep him safe and make sure he keeps talking to you about things. I would also look at some of the safety programs you can put on your computer so that you can monitor what is going on. Not something he needs to know about but something you could check to help keep him safe. You could also check with the police department and/or do some online research to make sure he is aware of the dangers and doesn't give out information to people he doesn't know. Even the most seemingly obscure information can end up letting predators know where you live and/or go to school.
I did hear a valuable piece of advice for computers that I think is great for kids and that is to never allow them to use them in their bedrooms or a non-public part of the house. Aside from people who may be trying to contact them, you never know what they may get curious to look at on the computer and it is a good way to protect your kids. While it is great that he is on the right track right now, I don't think that is something you can take for granted...he will be exposed to more and more as he goes through middle and high school and curiosity can get the most of people even if their intentions are good.
Good Luck,
Wendy
As a younger person with my own MySpace account, I say go for it, but I agree with the other moms that you need to have his password, have him set his page up as private, and only add people that he has met and is friends with in real life. I am 24 years old, and of the 200 or so friends that I have between MySpace and Facebook, I've never actually met only a handful of them.
Also, to ease your mind a little, I have a feeling that if you let your son have an account, he might be on there a little excessively for a few days, but after a while kids tend to get burnt out there. I think regular use of the site will only be a few-month, passing phase in your son's life.
Good luck!
Stay away from myspace. If he wants to be a good christian than that includes obeying the law. Myspace, I think is supposed to be limited to 15 and up? Not certain, but if you thnk you ant to get into all of it, try facebook.
Of course the decision is going to have to be yours and your husbands, but here are a few things if you decide to allow him to have one. You can also get one and be one of his friends so you can see who else is on his friends list. Also his account can be set as private which means no one can see his page unless they are one of his "friends". Also you could set a stipulation that if you allow him to have a page you have to have access to his password at all times. Grant it I am an adult, I have had a page for quite a few years now, it keeps me in touch with friends and family in different parts of the country and world. I believe it is a safe sight when used properly and it sounds like you have a great son and a great relationship. In the end you are the mom, just think, he is coming asking for one...he could have snuck behind your back and done it on his own without you knowing....he sounds like a great kid.Pray about it, God will guide you!!!
I have a myspace account and I can tell you first hand that there is a lot for him to get into if he isn't careful. For me, it's an easy way to keep in touch and chat with my friends and family when I don't always have time during the day.
The following are measures I have taken to ensure that I don't get unsolicited e-mails, etc.
1. Make the account private. This will prevent people who are not on his "friends list" from being able to view his page, send him comments, etc.
2. NEVER add someone as a friend that you don't know.
3. NEVER list personally identifiable information about yourself even if your page is private. Never post your school, home address or telephone number, etc.
4. Bear in mind that anything you put on the internet is public information, so don't say things, do things, or post things that you would be embarrassed if someone else saw.
As an added measure, I would encourage you to be in charge of his account password. That way, he can't log on without your knowledge, and you can go to his account to check his activity. Don't be secretive about it, tell him you are doing this for his safety and well being.
Also, myspace provides a set of recommendations for parents about allowing their youth to have an account, and how to protect them. But remember that no amount of security measures can replace your own watchful eye.
Personally, I think twelve is a little young for a myspace account, but maybe that's just me. I have nieces and nephews who have accounts, but their parents supervise all of their on-line activities. Sit your son down and talk to him about his reasons for wanting an account, what he hopes to accomplish with it that he can't do otherwise. Also, talk to him about how he would handle situations he might run into ie: cyber-bullying, seeing adult rated content, being contacted by a stranger, etc. Ask him the questions BEFORE you give him the answers. It should help you determine if he is mature enough to handle the risk.
Hope that helps, good luck.
Hi Shannon,
My 16 year old and my 13 year old have a facebook. My 16 year old came to me and told me about it 2 years ago and at 16 we allowed her to get one. I got one also so I could monitor hers. Her rules were it was to be set to a private account and only Christians could be her "friends." If I ever saw anything inappropriate on it or inappropriate on her friends accounts it would be automatically shutdown. I have seen myspace and can't even stomach what I, as an adult, have seen on it.
She has been very obedient, I have seen nothing inappropriate and many adults from our church also monitor it for their kids and we have come to enjoy it as we fellowship with our denomination all over the world. One of our pastors is even friends on there as he has a college bible study and keeps in touch that way. There are places she is not allowed to go and she is aware of them. I told my younger daughter she could have one at 13 (which is the age allowed) if it worked out okay for Emily. It did and she has been obedient also.
Myspace is not geared towards anything Christlike. Facebook of course is not a Christan website either but it is amenable for us as long as our kids work within their parameters. Go into myspace and look up old friends and see what you find. I don't think you will like what you see.
God bless!
Mimi
I have a myspace,For me it's great for me to connect with old high school friends and moms in my area. That said if you are trying to help keep your 12 yr old son pure (yes it is possible and a great goal for him to stive for) I would suggest against it. There are a lot of images that come up when you are looking for graphics to send friends, or new layouts that are pretty racy, not completly pornographic but deff on the road, as you know it does't take much to spark a 12 yo boys lust into a problem. I'm not saying your boy would turn out some crazy porno junky but there is so much sex flashed in little kids faces today.(Lust is the only sin that the bible tells people to run from, not to fight it, why? It's a really hard on to fight you are better off getting your self out of or never putting yourself in those situations) I'm proud that he is not interested in girls just remember the last 2 years he was 10 -12 12-14 and older is gonna be a lot more pressure and interest in girls. Help him see why some of these social networks may not be the best thing for him now even face book his friends can send him racy videos and the like. I would suggest you tell him that when he's 18 he can get one if he wants but right now it's your job to help guard his mind and heart. Oh by the way I wouldn't let your daughter get when when she gets older many young girls are exploited and feel the pressure to be sexy and chat with boys for attention. I say the texting and cell phones is a great privilage they have. Please don't take this as I think your children would be the ones to get in trouble but there is real temptation to on those sights.
I have a 13-year old son who has had a myspace account for about a year and a half, my husband, our dogs and I all have accounts as well.
Let him have one and then YOU get one (or if you have a dog, create one for your dog - no I'm not kidding, there's quite an online community of dog owners and you're just looking for a profile that can be 'friends' with your son so you can see what he's up to). Tell him you must have his password and that you will check on what he's doing. If he ever changes the password, he must tell you or you will make him delete his account. When you initially set up the account make sure you set up the privacy settings so that he can only be friends with someone that he knows (they have to enter his e-mail address or last name). Choose the other security settings based on your preference.
Also, b/c Myspace rules actually state you must be 14, he should not post his age or grade and obviously for saftely reasons, not get specific with where he lives. My son does have his school listed in his profile but we've never had any issues because of it (it's a private school that goes from K-12). Most of his friends are kids from school and church and it's a way for them to keep up with each other especially when school is not in session.
Quite honestly, I've seen worse results when searching for the wrong phrase on google than I have on myspace. Myspace & Fracebook allow me to keep up with my son's friends and the kids in our youth group so while it needs to be used with some caution, it's really not terrible like some people make it out to be. I think it's a lot of fun and you'd probably be amazed at the number of friends from HS and college you could find out there and reconnect with too!