I wanted to know what you all think about my 10 (almost 11) year old daughter wanting to have her own email and facebook page. She claims that most all of her other friends do and she wants to keep close contact with them, especially over the summer. (She attends private school and her friends do not live nearby.) Quite a few have their own I-phones with full capability.
My concerns are cyber bullying, inadvertant exposer to computer viruses to the family computer, and allowing too much private information out "to the world". Am I being too old fashioned? (I don't do facebook because I figure if I want someone to know something about my life, I would tell them.) My daughter is wonderful and fairly responsible. I want to be reasonable and not make her the odd girl, yet, logically, I can't quite understand why a 10 year old needs email and facebook yet.
You actually have to be 13 to have a facebook page - but I know younger kids have accounts. Mine do not.
My kids have email - but limited access - with their accounts - no one can email them unless we have approved them though our parental controls.
Kids today are part of the new tech generation, email, texting and social media seem commonplace to them. Teaching them to use these modes of communication correctly and effectively is important. We want our kids to still use face to face/ phone calls as their primary method of communication, but totally understand the new trends as well. We moved when my daughter was in 4th grade (cross country) she is now in 7th grade and keeps in touch with her old friends still via email/facebook.
With parental controls - electronic media can be a great thing - but your daughter is too young for facebook.
Since you're the parent and in control of all things internet, why would you feel the need to justify this to your daughter? That's what the house phone is for. She can call their cell phones during the summer to stay in touch. What was it our parents used to say? If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? It's not old-fashioned, it's parenting. It's teaching your daughter to learn to be creative in her communication. A letter can be written as quickly as an email. And the excitement of receiving a letter in the mail...give her an 'allowance' of stamps so she can mail things to her friends: homemade cards, letters, notes, Miss You things. Let email be something special, like for her 13th birthday, she gets her own email account...remember when it was your own home phone line for your birthday?
I don't mean to soapbox you, but kids having iPhones and internet access at such a young age is one of the reasons we have so much entitlement today. Just because it's an option doesn't mean you have to pick it.
Have you talked with any of the other parents? I know some kids that age that have them, but not many. My son is 11 and doesn't have one, but I have a friend that has a 7 yr old that does... only so the can play the "games" like Farm Town and such.. and her "friends" are her parents and aunts/uncles. That's it.
I don't allow my kids to have them. They don't have cell phones, either, though my 11 yr old has friends who do. I think a lot depends upon your family and your child's maturity level. My son has no need of a cell phone... and he is free to use the house phone to talk to friends whenever he wants... which he rarely does. So why pay for a cell phone? Same thing with email/FB. He doesn't do that much communicating with his friends when he is not at school. During the summertime, he calls them on the house telephone (or my cell if we are in the car or something) and they chat, joke, or arrange getting together (they are too old for "play dates", lol).
I personally think that it is way too young... as kids, even older teens, often don't understand that what they put "out there" online is "out there" for EVERYONE and forever. And they don't often have the understanding of what is not appropriate. I see things on the FB pages of my friends' kids sometimes (older teens/young adults) that make me cringe. They don't realize how it looks to a potential employer or someone not in their little clique.
That said, if you are comfortable with it, plan to monitor it yourself, and regulate exactly what she is allowed to do and how much time she is allowed to be on it... then I could see where you might allow it, so she can keep in the loop with her friends. But first, I would talk with some of the other parents and see exactly how many really DO have them and how much time they spend on them, etc.
I would say let her do one or the other, granted I grew up with having an e-mail account since freshman year in high school and did not get my facebook account until after college but it was not around when I was in college. Tell her that you two will set it up together and that you are allowed to check in on her so you need the password. Also teach her the safety of NOT opening anything from someone you don't know because it can contain something harmful to the computer which in turn will make the computer not usable.
E-mail would have less temptations or opportunity for cyber bulling then facebook. Facebook is a great way to stay connected BUT you have to watch over your daughter more (so many games, photos, videos). On the plus side you can set the facebook account up to be VERY private and you can lay down the rule that she can only accept a friend with your premission (if it is just close school friends then the list should easily be under 50). It can be tricky to figure out all the facebook ins and outs so E-mail will be the easier one for you to control.
In the end it is your call as a parent, what you feel best doing. Either way teach the safety of the internet (if you have not already).
I can only tell you what I did in my own situation, because this is one of those grey areas you need to work out with your daughter.
1. Cell phones - my theory is that if there are times that my child is not with me, I feel better knowing that they can contact me if needed. Both of my children had cell phones (I think iPhones are a bit much) at this age, but with strict rules about usage.
2. E-mail is already passe according to my 14-year-old daughter, but having an e-mail account is pretty innocuous as long as you coach her to never open an e-mail from anyone she doesn't recognize, and never to click on links without checking with you first. Also take advantage of spam blockers that most e-mail services provide.
3.Facebook - I just got into facebook myself and it's been a great way to contact people that I've lost touch with over the years or keep in better contact with relatives I have overseas. No, I don't constantly update my status, but it's fun putting up photos and knowing that my cousins in Italy can see them. Facebook also has a lot of privacy settings to that only people who you want to see the information can see it. You have to be 14 to have a facebook page, but yes, many 11-year-olds do.
4. Cyberbullying - The best thing to do is to coach your daughter to come to you if anything happens. People can be blocked, the computer can be shut down. My own experience has been to treat it like you would any kind of bullying. Just because the method is different doesn't mean the cause or the effect is different.
I don't think you're being old-fashioned, but I also understand where your daughter is coming from, especially if she has friends that don't live nearby. It's just another way to stay in touch now that letter writing is a thing of the past.
But that's just me!
The only way I would allow email or a FB page is if I had the password and could check in on what was happening. Not everything on FB is public (meaning, even if you have your own FB account and want to look at her wall, if kids are sending private emails to her inbox, you wouldn't be able to see them without access to her account). I think, in general, the computer should be somewhere in the house where it can be monitored easily (i.e. NOT in a child's bedroom) and that you should have all of the passwords to the accounts she is using. You should have some really good monitoring software so that you will know what she is sending/receiving and the sites she is going to (parental controls are a must). My daughter is only 4, so I'm not sure at what age I would allow her to have access to these kinds of things (although I'm pretty sure I would be questioning it at 10 too). I shudder to think of what they will have come up with in the next 10 years when I have to make these decisions.
The sad thing is that you probably do trust your daughter and for good reason. It's the other creeps lurking on the internet that are the problem. I would try to avoid it for now and let her start the summer without it. If, after a month or so, she is feeling like she can't stay in touch, then maybe help her set something up. This is a tough one. I don't have much advice except to say that if you do let her have one, be sure you are monitoring her closely (and also for changes in behavior). Good luck!
Oh, and I don't think there is ANY reason in the world for a 10 year old to have an iPhone!
Short answer: NO to both.
My niece is in 4th grade and having terrible problems with cyber bullying. My sister is crying over this and the filthy rude x-rated emails from so called 'friends' have been printed and shared with the principal of her school to try to deal with this. It's an on going struggle. Why throw your child to the wolves like this? It's just not worth it.
Email is fairly safe. Talk to her about not opening email from unknown sources because of computer viruses, but other than that not much bad can come of having email.
On facebook, if I were you I'd get an account myself first so that you can see how it works, what features are in place to prevent some information from being public, etc. Once you are familiar with it then I think you will see that it would be ok for her to have an account as long as you have her password, you are a friend on her account, and you have had a long talk with her about the appropriate use of it and what things she should let you know about immediately.
Good luck,
Karen
My almost-13-year-old has a facebook page. I would have been a definite "no" on this question, but then her cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and birthmom all got on facebook, and we're spread out over several states, so I let her do it with the agreement that I decide who she is friends with and I have her password and monitor her page. Of course we only have family on it, and the kids share pictures and other info with each other and the older relatives so I don't have much to monitor. You need to make sure all the settings are private, so that no one can get her information but her selected friends. And I would tell her that you would only agree to it if you monitor the page and all the postings. Girls at that age (even in private school because that's where we are) can be really really nasty so you have to keep up on that. I would also probably check with a few of the parents to see if their kids really do have accounts.
Good Morning Alicia,
No face book, no individual email, no cell phone at 10. I suggest establishing a family email address. (i.e. [email protected]). Friends can "attention" whoever is receiving email. This way you can monitor what she is sending and receiving and she can keep up with her friends.
I don't think your daughter will be the only 10 year old without these things. Furthermore, being different isn't always a bad thing.
Blessings……
No way! Who cares what other parents let their kids do? Ten years old is way too young to understand the dangers that can be online. I think the family email account is a GREAT idea : ).
In our house, the "F" word is Facebook! You mention her friends have phones. Let her call them to chat whenever she feels like it. It is so much more personal also. We have a daughter the exact same age and we looked in to setting her up a page and overruled it. At first she was upset and then I reminded her she could call them anything she wanted to "chat." She does have an email account so it's not like she can't receive jokes, etc. Strong vote from me is no facebook/twitter/etc. because of the potention for communicating with strangers.
I agree with the previous posters who said that let your daughter have these accounts but monitor them. This is a new day and kids do not talk on the family phone, mail letters or always have access to go to a friends houses since we now do not all attend the "neighborhood schools" and families live all over the country instead of the same cities. This is an excellent time for you to totally monitor and teach your daughter about computer safety, etiquette and responsibility.
We have many children on our facebook accounts, but they have the highest controls on their accounts. They really do not need email anymore since facebook has a messaging that is completely private.
Almost all of our family (even Great Grandma 90 years old) is on there visiting and sharing. This really helps with language and topics for all of us.
My sister uses facebook as a ways to make sure her kids get the good grades and good behavior that she expects. If they do not do their chores, talk back, grades start to slip, she yanks facebook time away from them. They shape up really quick.
The cell phone at this point should be pretty basic item for all family members. Your daughter will need to learn to care for it and you will need to explain that it costs money to use. It is a wonderful way to always know where she is, to let her know when your status changes and in emergencies. again this is a necessity you never knew you needed tll the first time you have peace of mind because you could get hold of her during an emergency, where in the past you would have had to physically hunt her down to give her information. There are many controls and safety features on phones now, so you can really keep track of everything at all times.
I think FB has an age rule of 13 to start, HOWEVER, I have a niece and nephew under 13 with FB accounts. Their parents are on the friend list.
Age 10 seems a little young for FB but I would be ok with email and cell phone (as long as I have full access with all passcodes, etc) My daughter did have a cell phone around age 9....mainly for security purposes and I have no issue with that at all.
My 15 yr old does have FB, IPhone, personal laptop and email accounts. She uses the laptop for school (and social of course). I have access to all passcodes and I do random checks on everything.
As far as cyber bully...that does happen occasionally. One website I was STRONGLY keep my children away from is a new one the high schoolers are using called formspring.me. This site is awful. "Invisible" people post questions to you, some of which are very crude and ugly. My daughter was a target on that site and was threatened. Her friends have quit using it a this point because the police are involved in the threat against my daughter.
We never had any issues with FB or MySpace.
My 12yr old has had an email since last year, but no facebook. I really think that most kids are texting at this age, not so much on the email/facebook. My daughter does not have a cell phone yet, so the email is a way for her to talk with her friends. I do check for email, and it has been mostly talking about school, and birthday parties, and what everyone is doing on the weekend.
I think once she has a cellphone, the email will go by the wayside.
My son is 10 and has both an email address and facebook page...however, I set up the accounts and I am the only one that knows the passwords. He can only get on there with me logging him on and my supervision. I can control who he "accepts" and "invites" as friends on facebook and what emails he opens and from whom. He thinks its really "cool" but I have all the control ;)
In order for her to have her "own" facebook page, she needs to be 13 years old (unless someone lies about her birthdate when signing her up - not a very good example for her). So, I would absolutely say no to that. As far as an email account, I did just set one up for one of my 12 yr olds so she can email papers to herself at school (not that that will be the only thing it is used for). I don't know if I would have done it at 10, but I guess it would depend on the circumstances. I set up her account myself (with yahoo) and have it "hooked" to mine. Every morning, I review all incoming and outgoing message in her account. The rule is that if I check it in the morning and I either cannot get it because the password is changed or there are inappropriate emails, I will immediately shut it down. Finally, she has to use her laptop at the dining room table, facing the rest of the house, so just by walking by anyone can see what she is doing on the computer. She is also only allowed to use the computer when I am home and "milling around" the kitchen/dining room area.
You are not being "too old-fashioned." I don't care WHAT my kids say about everyone else has one Mom!!!!!!!!!!! My kids are not everyone else's kids and those parents aren't going to be around if MY kids get in trouble on the internet.
Finally, I know that you didn't ask this :) but my kids didn't get cell phone until they were 16 years old and were working a job. Not because I made them pay for it, but because I couldn't think of a reason that they needed one before then. Also, none of the kids are allowed to own a device that can receive internet signal (other than their laptops - which I heavily monitor). So, no Ipod Touch and those kinds of items are allowed to be owned in my home.
Good luck!
It is a different world from the one we grew up in, there is nothing wrong with her having her own email or facebook account. Leave Myspace alone, not a good or safe place anymore for anyone. As long as she is clearly supervised, knows the rules, keeps her profile private and only visible to her friends, not to add people she doesn't know and never ever post personally identifying information or pictures she should be just fine. Make sure the computer is in the family room and not their bedroom, and make sure she understands that you will have complete access to her account. The world is becoming more connected through the internet and social networking sites and if you are still not comfortable, talk to some of her friend's parents and see what guidelines they set up and go from there...
Remember you can always set parental controlls and be sent copies of every email that she sends and receives. My daughters were on computers in school at the age of three and had email addresses by the time they were 10. My oldest is graduating college with honors and my youngest is graduating high school and neither suffered any ill effects from being exposed to the internet, email or Facebook.
As for the cell phone, you can always get her a phone that has numbers locked in that is made for children or set the controls on a regular cell phone. We have Sprint and they have the family locator, it is GPS that you program with places that your child is supposed to be at certain times like school, music lessons, etc and if they are not there you will get a message or you can activate the locator and 'see' exactly where they are on a city map. It's a great tool to have just incase something does happen...
Facebook has an age limit and, IMO you should go with it. I believe it's 14yrs old. There are too many preditors out there and even on facebook you have to be careful.
As far as e-mail, there are a lot of programs that you can use so you can also monitor it and know what's going on. We us Zoobuh.com. It's free for a few months and then it's $25/yr or something like that. You can set it up so that only specific people can send her e-mail and you can also set it up so you get a copy of every e-mail sent to her.
I would absolutely NOT do a social network page until she is at the age allowed on the sites - and even then make sure you know her log in and password and tell her she has to "friend" you so you can see her pages.
God Bless-
Carrie